4

Time For More One-Liners

Cheers to the king of one-liners! ✧٩(•́⌄•́๑)

Archon's Den

Every time I ask what time it is….
….I get a different answer

I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing….
….This is as close as I could get.

Before they invented drawing boards….
….What did they go back to?

I crossed an alligator with a homing pigeon….
….That will come back to bite me

I hate it when the voices in my head go silent….
….I never know what those fuckers are planning

I was going to have wine and cheese for dinner….
….but I remembered that I can’t have cheese. Cheers!

I was sitting in traffic the other day….
….That’s probably why I got run over.

My favorite word is “Drool.”….
….It just rolls of the tongue.

My family tree is a cactus….
….There’s a bunch of pricks

They say that laughter is the best medicine…
….but sometimes, a good sleep is better for you

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6

Skool Daze

These jokes are so kool they left me in a daze…∠( ᐛ 」∠)_

Archon's Den

Student

My wife asked me to help prepare our 4-year-old for his first day at school….
….So I stole his lunch

Whenever it rains, my wife just stands at the window looking sad….
….Do you think I should let her in?

If anyone knows how to fix broken hinges….
….My door is always open.

There’s nothing like a brisk fall morning….
….To keep me in bed till noon.

There’s no excuse for laziness….
….But if you find one, let me know.

What did the drunk driver die of?….
….Texting.

I just tripped over my wife’s bra….
….It was a booby trap

Where do you take someone who’s been injured in a peek-a-boo accident?….
….To the I.C.U.

Doctor: I’m sorry, I had to remove your colon….
….Me Why

Did you know that before the crowbar was invented….
….Crows had to drink alone, at home.

Instant gratification….
….Takes too long.

I admit that…

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2

Egging The Dog On

Eggcellent jokes from a Grumpy Old Dude! (=^・ェ・^=))ノ彡☆

Archon's Den

Egg

I was walking past a farm and a sign said: “Duck, eggs!”

I thought: “That’s an unnecessary comma – then it hit me.”

***

Two dogs are trotting down a city street, when they discover a row of parking meters, newly installed on their favorite section of sidewalk.  “Look at that!” one dog says to the other, “Pay toilets!”

I took my dog to a bonfire recently.  I was enjoying myself, but my dog seemed depressed.  Suddenly he started howling and I realized why.  We were burning all his toys.

***

I’m not so sure about an inner child, but I have an inner idiot that surfaces every now and then.

—–

“You call this a musical?” asked Les miserably.

—–

I was born to be wild, but only until around 9 PM or so.

—–

Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me!! Luckily, my injuries were…

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0

Going Downhill Fast

Have a chuckle on these ‘So bored’ jokes! Happy Tuesday!
(=^・ェ・^=))ノ彡☆☆☆☆☆

Archon's Den

Snowboard Fall

For those of you who don’t believe that ‘powder’ belongs on doughnuts, here are

7 Funny Snowboard Jokes

1) What do you call a male snowboarder without a girlfriend? – Homeless.

2) This guy walks into a bar and says “Hey, you guys wanna hear a snowboard joke?” – The bartender says, “I’m a snowboarder. The guy on your right is a snowboarder – same with the guy on your left, and the fellow behind you.” So the guy says, “OK.    I’ll   tell    it   a   little    more    slowly    then…”

3) Three snowboarders are in a car. Who’s driving? – The police.

4) What is the difference between a snowboarder and a large pizza? – A pizza can feed a family of four.

5) What does a snowboarder have in common with a vacuum cleaner? – How you attach the dirt bag.
6) How does a…

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0

Simple stir-fry noodles – NBC

chay kuey teow
Stir-fry flat rice noodles or commonly known as “Char Kuey Teow” is a famous street food/hawker food in Malaysia and Singapore.  It is basically stir fried noodles with shrimp, blood cockles, bean sprout, eggs & chives on a mix of light and dark soy sauce.
Today, I’m going to show you a similar recipe but minus the shrimp, blood cockles and chives simply because I do not have these ingredients in my refrigerator.  So, I’m going to substitute them with fish cake and fried bean curd (tofu).
It is a simple, no fuss stir-fry recipe where you can substitute the shrimp/fish cake with any leftover meat like roast chicken or roast lamb.
Ingredients:
500gm flat rice noodles
2 pcs chinese fish cake (cut into thin slices)
4 pcs fried bean curd/tofu (cut into smaller pieces)
1 or 2 cups bean sprout
3 – 5 cloves garlic, 1/2″ ginger, 2 shallots (blend together)
1 or 2 large eggs
3 – 5 tbsp light soy sauce
1 – 2 tbsp dark soy sauce
1 tsp chili paste/sauce (optional)
2 – 3 tbsp oil for frying
Ground pepper powder (white/black)
Step 1.  Heat wok or pan into high heat. Add oil into wok, the add the blended garlic, ginger and shallot. Sauté until fragrant. Add the chili paste.

fry ginger and garlic and chili paste

Step 2: Sauté fish cake and tofu for about 15 – 20 seconds.

fishcake n tofu    add fishcake n tofu

Step 3: Add noodles to wok, add in the dark soy sauce and light soy sauce.  You can mix soy sauce, dark soy sauce and pepper evenly as this would save time.  But,  I do it the traditional way where I just do a few quick dashes of both the sauce without measuring.
     Add lite n dark soy sauce    lite and dark soy sauce
Step 4:  Add in the bean sprout.  Give it a few stirs.

bean sprout   add bean sprout

Step 5:  Then, add the egg(s) to the noodles.  Flip the noodles and cover the egg for about 10 seconds.
Add the eggs    cover egg with noodles
Step 6:  Add some pepper.  Continue to stir-fry for another 10 seconds and it’s done.

it's done

Finally, dish out and serve immediately.
My daughter love to have these noodles with some homemade Kimchi.

homemade kimchi

 

Happy Saturday, everyone!  Stay blessed!
cat chef