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Joke of the day – The night at the farmhouse

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Harry and Sam were travelling together when their car broke down in the country. They approached the farmhouse and were well received by Widow Mary who fed them and put them up for the night.

It was about nine months later when Harry rang Sam. “Remember the night the car broke down out in the country?” he asked. “You didn’t by any chance slip into the widow’s bedroom did you?”

Sam admitted he did. “And you didn’t by any chance use my name did you?”
Sam admitted he did, and said he was sorry.

“Don’t worry about it, Sam,” said Harry. “I’ve just got a letter from a legal firm that says she has died and left me the farm.”

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Quote of the day – Patricia Neal

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“A strong positive mental attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug.” Patricia Neal

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Joke of the day – Newspapers

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NEWSPAPERS are still credible, provided you read between the LIES.

You should never tell a journalist what you don’t want to read in the papers.

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Quote of the day – Thomas Fuller

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“Contentment consist not in adding more fuel, but in taking away some fire.” – Thomas Fuller

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Joke of the day – Sheep farm

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“I’ve got the biggest sheep farm in the state,” a farmer boasted to his neighbor.

“Oh yeah? How many sheep do you have?”

“I don’t know. Every time I try to count the sheep, I fall asleep.”

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What ‘thank you’ really means…

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It’a small courtesy that too often is lost in our fast-paced society and one that can make a big difference in the lives of loved ones and strangers alike.

When it comes from the heart ‘thank you’ means so much. It means ‘thank you for taking the time to show that you care.’ It means ‘You really made my day.’ Thank you simply says, “I notice, I understand, I acknowledge.’

These two simple words will strengthen your relationships, open doors of opportunity and help you appreciate the blessings in your life.

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Tips to avoid those tears …

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…when chopping onions. But first, why do onions make us cry? The action of cutting an onion releases a fine spray of droplets. These droplets contain an enzyme called lachrymatory-factor synthase and sulphur-containing compounds, which react to produce a powerful irritant. When a droplet strikes your eye, you respond by producing a copious flow of tears to try and wash the irritant away. Here are a few ways simple tricks to prevent that from happening…

1. Refrigerate onion for at least 30 minutes before chopping & peeling or try freezing for about 10 to 15 minutes before slicing it.

2. Cut onion under either under a running tap or in a sinkful of water. The water will dissolve the sulfur compounds before they can reach your eyes.

3. Light a candle or votive near the cutting board or if you have a gas stove, light a burner. Cut onions as close to flame as possible without danger of being burned. The heat will draw the sulfur to it and away from your eyes.

4. Lightly spray the cutting board with a 50/50 vinegar and water mix, vinegar apparently halts the sulfur reaction. If a 50/50 mix doesn’t do the trick, try full strength vinegar. This may affect the flavor of the cooked onions.

5. Have a fan blowing the droplets away from your face while cutting onions.

6. Wear swimming goggles that fit well, these will seal the area around your eyes so the droplets can’t reach them. Cutting one onion doesn’t bother me much, but if I had a big batch to do…I just might try it no matter how silly I would look!

Note: Results will vary for each person, one person will swear a method works while another finds they still cry a bucketful.

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Joke of the day – Ghosts

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What should you say when you meet a ghost?
How do you boo, Sir, how do you boo!

When do ghosts usually appear?
Just before someone screams!

What did mother ghost say to the baby ghost?
Put your boos and shocks on!

Who speaks at the ghosts’ press conference?
The spooksperson!

What is the ghost’s favorite dessert?
Boo-Berry pie with I-scream!