“Paws to admire”
A thief was robbing a house. All of a sudden someone said, “Jesus is watching you!” “What? Oh well,” said the thief and he went back to work. When he started to pick up the VCR, he heard the voice again, “Jesus is watching you!” it said again. This time the thief pointed his flashlight at the voice and asked, “Who said that?” It was a parrot. “I’m Moses,” said the parrot. “Who in the world would name you Moses?” asked the thief. The parrot answered, “The same man that named the pitbull in the corner Jesus!”
Einstein climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.
Looking up, he asks the Lord…
“God, what does a million years mean to you?”
The Lord replies, “A minute.”
“Einstein asks, “And what does a million dollars mean to you?”
The Lord replies, “A penny.”
Einstein asks, “Can I have a penny?”
The Lord replies, “In a minute.”
Harry and Sam were travelling together when their car broke down in the country. They approached the farmhouse and were well received by Widow Mary who fed them and put them up for the night.
It was about nine months later when Harry rang Sam. “Remember the night the car broke down out in the country?” he asked. “You didn’t by any chance slip into the widow’s bedroom did you?”
Sam admitted he did. “And you didn’t by any chance use my name did you?”
Sam admitted he did, and said he was sorry.
“Don’t worry about it, Sam,” said Harry. “I’ve just got a letter from a legal firm that says she has died and left me the farm.”