* They teach guys how to be affectionate.
* He understands commitment and responsibility.
* There’s always someone else to blame if you break wind at his place.
* You know that after toilet training a dog, changing a nappy won’t be that much of a stretch.
* He has to get off the couch to take Fido for walks.
“Friendship is certainly the finest balm for the pangs of disappointed love.” – Jane Austen
With so many snacks around, choosing the best option can be tricky. For healthy snacking try these ‘swap this, for that’:
1. Switch low-fat biscuits for multi-grain bread with lite ricotta cheese and strawberries.
2. Don’t scarf down a whole block of milk chocolate. Eat dark chocolate instead.
3. Ditch muesli bars for raw, unsalted nuts, sprinkled with a little sugar alternative.
4. Trade bottled fruit juice for fresh vegetable juice. It has fewer kilojoules and more vitamins.
A fellow, who frequently left the office to play golf, instructed his secretary to tell all callers that he was away from his desk.
After he left the office, a member of his foursome forgot which course they were playing that day, and called for information. The loyal girl would only reply that her boss was away from his desk.
“Just tell me,” the golfer persisted, “Is he five miles away from his desk, twenty miles away from his desk, or thirty miles away from his desk?”
“We have two ears and one mouth, so we should listen more than we say.”
― Zeno of Citium, as quoted by Diogenes Laërtius
Truly listening to another person is a gift but it’s a difficult gift to give. Instead of listening, we may be wondering what we should have for lunch or what we should say next. Most of us are simply too self-absorbed to be good listeners.
Listening is a gift that requires practice and determination. Becoming a good listener is hard work, but giving the gift of being heard can make a great difference in the lives of those around you.
Help Me Doc!
So this guy walks into the doctor’s office with this big white duck on his head.
The doctor looks up and says, “Yes, sir, can I help you?”
And the duck says,
“Yeah, can you get this guy off my butt?”
A duck goes into a furniture store and says ‘got any duck food?’
The guy at the counter says, ‘sorry, we don’t sell duck food’.
The little duck walks out.
The next day, same duck, same guy. ‘Got any duck food?’
‘Sorry little duck, I told you yesterday, no duck food here. ‘
The duck walks out.
Next day, again, ‘got any duck food?’
The guy says ‘No! we don’t sell duck food! and if you come in here again I’m gonna nail your feet to the floor!’
The duck walks out. next day, duck walks in. ‘Got any nails? ‘
The guy says ‘what?… no’.
‘…got any duck food?’
Religious Cowboy The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a duck walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn’t believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the duck’s mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It’s a miracle!” “Not really,” said the duck. “Your name is written inside the cover.”
“Pull out, silly! Pull out…You’ve hit an artery!
“If you think you are too small to make a difference, you haven’t spent a night with a mosquito.” – African Proverb
“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” – Dr Seuss
Only a panda looks cute with dark circles around the eyes.
Here’s a quick tip to remove dark circles around your eyes:
1. Take 2 facial cotton pads
2. Dampen it with fresh milk.
3. Place cotton pads on your eyes and leave them for at least 15 minutes.
I never go to church,” boasted a wandering member. “Perhaps you have noticed that pastor?”
“Yes, I have noticed that,” said the pastor.
“Well, the reason I don’t go is because there are so many hypocrites there.”
“Oh, don’t let that keep you away,” replied the pastor with a smile. “There’s always room for one more.”
