Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations s/he keeps cranking out.
Dictionary of Evaluation Comments:
ACTIVE SOCIALLY: Drinks heavily.
A KEEN ANALYST: Thoroughly confused.
ALERT TO COMPANY DEVELOPMENTS: An office gossip.
APPROACHES DIFFICULT PROBLEMS WITH LOGIC: Finds someone else to do the job.
AVERAGE: Not too bright.
CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH: Still one step ahead of the law.
COMPETENT: Still able to get work done if supervisor helps.
CONSCIENTIOUS AND CAREFUL: Scared.
CONSULTS WITH SUPERVISOR OFTEN: Annoying.
DEMONSTRATES QUALITIES OF LEADERSHIP: Has a loud voice.
DESERVES PROMOTION: Create new title to make him or her feel appreciated.
ENJOYS JOB: Needs more to do.
EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED: Has committed no major blunders to date.
EXPRESSES SELF WELL: Can string two sentences together.
INDIFFERENT TO INSTRUCTION: Knows more than superiors.
IS UNUSUALLY LOYAL: Wanted by no-one else.
JUDGEMENT IS USUALLY SOUND: Lucky.
KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR: Knows lots of dirty jokes.
MAINTAINS PROFESSIONAL ATTITUDE: A snob.
METICULOUS IN ATTENTION TO DETAIL: A nitpicker.
NOT A DESK PERSON: Did not go to college.
OF GREAT VALUE TO THE ORGANIZATION: Turns in work on time.
QUICK THINKING: Offers plausible excuses for errors.
SLIGHTLY BELOW AVERAGE: Stupid.
SPENDS EXTRA HOURS ON THE JOB: Miserable home life.
STERN DISCIPLINARIAN: A real jerk.
STRONG ADHERENCE TO PRINCIPLES: Stubborn.
TACTFUL IN DEALING WITH SUPERIORS: Knows when to keep mouth shut.
TAKES ADVANTAGE OF EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO PROGRESS: Buys drinks for superiors.
UNLIMITED POTENTIAL: Will stick with us until retirement.
USES RESOURCES WELL: Delegates everything.
VERY CREATIVE: Finds 22 reasons to do anything except original work.
ZEALOUS ATTITUDE: Opinionated.
TAKES PRIDE IN WORK: Conceited.
REQUIRES WORK-VALUE ATTITUDINAL READJUSTMENT: Lazy and hard-headed.
HARD WORKER: Usually does it the hard way.