Tag Archives: humor

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Joke of the day – Gold bullion

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Determined to “take it with him” when he dies, a very rich man prayed until finally the Lord gave in. There was one condition: he could bring only one suitcase of his wealth. The rich man decided to fill the case with gold bullion.

The day came when God called him home. St. Peter greeted him, but told him he couldn’t bring in his suitcase. “Oh, but I have an agreement with God,” the man explained.

“That’s unusual,” said St. Peter. “Mind if I take a look?” The man opened the suitcase to reveal the shining gold bullion.

St. Peter was amazed. “Why in the world would you bring pavement?

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Joke of the day – Christian man and lion

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A Christian in ancient Rome was being pursued by a lion. He ran through the city streets and into the woods dodging back and forth among the trees. Finally it became obvious that it was hopeless – the lion was going to catch him. So, he turned suddenly, faced the beast and dropped to his knees. “Lord,” he prayed desperately, “make this lion a Christian.”

Instantly the lion dropped to its knees and prayed, “For this meal of which I am about to partake…”

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Joke of the day – The monastery

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The monastery was in financial trouble and decided to go into the fish and chip business. One night a customer rapped on the door which was opened by a monk.
“Are you the fish friar?”
“No,” replied the robed figure. “I’m a chip monk!”

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Joke of the day – Political definitions

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Capitalism: You possess two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

Socialism: You possess two cows. You give one of them to your neighbour.

Communism: You possess two cows. The government confiscates them and provide you with milk.

Nazism: You possess two cows. The government confiscates them and shoots you.

European Common Market: You possess two cows. The government confiscates them, shoots one, milks the other and pour it down the drain.

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Joke of the day – The hunting trip

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Four men go on a hunting trip. The only hotel in the area is almost full, so they have to bunk two to a room. No one wants to share with Joe because he snores, so the others decide to take turns.

The first man stays with Joe and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes bloodshot.

“What happened to you?” asked his friends. “Joe snored so loudly I just sat up and watched him all night,” he moans.

The following evening, it is the second man’s turn. He also looks awful in the morning.

“Oh, man, that Joe shakes the roof,” he says. “I sat up and watched him all night too.”

The third night is Sam’s turn, a burly ex-rugby player. Next morning he comes down to breakfast looking very fresh.

The first two men are incredulous. “Wow, what happened?”

“Well,” says Sam. “We got ready for bed. I tucked Joe in, wished him sweet dreams and kissed him on the forehead. He sat up and watched me all night.”

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Joke of the day – The birthday present

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A wife buys an enormous birthday present for her husband.
He opens it and looks rather confused.
“What am I supposed to do with a rocket?”
“You wanted space,” she replies. “Now get lost.”

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Funny Poem – My bald dad

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“I wouldn’t say my dad was bald but he combs his hair with a sponge;
It’s the first time I had ever seen a parting with ears;
He had been mistaken for a honeydew melon.”

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Joke of the day – The new ministry

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A man opened a ministry, using a snippet from the Bible as the name. But he soon regretted his decision to order office supplies over the phone.
When his stationery arrived, it bore the letterhead “That Nun Should Perish.”

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Joke of the day – Snail at the bar

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In the process of wiping his bar one day, a bartender looks down and sees a snail. “Can I have a beer?” asks the snail. The bartender just looks at him, shrugs and flicks him off the bar.

A year later, the bartender looks down to find a snail looking at him. “What did you do that for?” it asks.