Upon entering a little country store, a stranger noticed a warning sign that read: “Danger! Beware of dog!” posted on the door. Inside, he noticed a harmless little dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register.
“Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?” he asked the owner. “Yep, that’s him,” came the reply.
The stranger couldn’t help but be amused. “That certainly doesn’t look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?”
“Because,” the owner explained, “Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.”
…relax and enjoy the slow ride!
…speak no evil, see no evil, hear no evil and do no evil!
A gorilla swaggered into a waterside pub, slapped a five dollar note on the bar and asked for a beer.
It took the barman by surprise for a moment, but ever ready to make a quid he capitalised on this unusual situation, pulling the beer, scooping up the fiver and giving the gorilla 60 cents in small change.
But as the primate sipped his beer, the phenomena of a talking gorilla aroused the barman’s curiosity to the point where it could be contained no longer.
“Out for a walk, are you? he ventured.
“Yeah,” mumbled the gorilla.
“We don’t get many gorillas in here,” pressed the barman trying to make conversation.
“No wonder, at $4.40 a glass!”
A Christian in ancient Rome was being pursued by a lion. He ran through the city streets and into the woods dodging back and forth among the trees. Finally it became obvious that it was hopeless – the lion was going to catch him. So, he turned suddenly, faced the beast and dropped to his knees. “Lord,” he prayed desperately, “make this lion a Christian.”
Instantly the lion dropped to its knees and prayed, “For this meal of which I am about to partake…”
A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, “Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn’t pay for your sandwich!”
The panda yells back at the manager, “Hey man, I’m a PANDA! Look it up!”
The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda – a large mammal of the Asian mountain forests related to raccoons and true bears and characterized by bold black and white markings. Eats shoots and leaves.’