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Joke of the day – The Guardian Angel

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Walking down the street one day, a woman heard a voice yell, “Stop, If you take one more step you will be killed!” The woman stopped, and seconds later a brick fell and landed in her path.

A minute or two after that, she was getting ready to cross the street when same voice bellowed. “Halt! Don’t cross the street now!” An out-of-control beer truck soon careened around the corner and didn’t even slow down as it ran the red light.

Shaken, the woman asked out loud, “Who are you?”

“I’m your guardian angel, the voice replied. “I imagine you have some questions for me.”

“You bet I do,” the woman said. “Where were you on my wedding day?”

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Joke of the day – The night at the farmhouse

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Harry and Sam were travelling together when their car broke down in the country. They approached the farmhouse and were well received by Widow Mary who fed them and put them up for the night.

It was about nine months later when Harry rang Sam. “Remember the night the car broke down out in the country?” he asked. “You didn’t by any chance slip into the widow’s bedroom did you?”

Sam admitted he did. “And you didn’t by any chance use my name did you?”
Sam admitted he did, and said he was sorry.

“Don’t worry about it, Sam,” said Harry. “I’ve just got a letter from a legal firm that says she has died and left me the farm.”

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Joke of the day – Newspapers

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NEWSPAPERS are still credible, provided you read between the LIES.

You should never tell a journalist what you don’t want to read in the papers.

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Joke of the day – Sheep farm

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“I’ve got the biggest sheep farm in the state,” a farmer boasted to his neighbor.

“Oh yeah? How many sheep do you have?”

“I don’t know. Every time I try to count the sheep, I fall asleep.”

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Joke of the day – Ghosts

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What should you say when you meet a ghost?
How do you boo, Sir, how do you boo!

When do ghosts usually appear?
Just before someone screams!

What did mother ghost say to the baby ghost?
Put your boos and shocks on!

Who speaks at the ghosts’ press conference?
The spooksperson!

What is the ghost’s favorite dessert?
Boo-Berry pie with I-scream!

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Joke of the day – Elephant

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An elephant escaped from a circus and no trace had been found until a lady who had never seen an elephant before rang the police. She was panic-stricken.
There’s a weird monster in my back yard,” she said. “It is pulling up the cabbages with its tail. But what is worse…I cannot describe what it is doing with them!”

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Joke of the day – Monsters

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On which day do monsters eat people?
Chewsday.

Why did the monster eat the lightbulb?
He wanted some light refreshment.

What’s a good job for a young monster?
Chop assistant.

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Joke of the day – Fine dancer

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“Mrs Johnson, your daughter would be a fine dancer, except for two things?”
“What are they?”
“Both feet!”

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Joke of the day – Doctor, Doctor

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Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a sheep.
That’s baaaaaaaaaad!

Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a dog.
Sit!

Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains.
Oh, pull yourself together!

Doctor, Doctor, I think I’m a bridge.
What’s come over you?
Oh, two cars, a large truck and a bus.

Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I’m God.
When did this start?
After I created the sun, then the earth …

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Joke of the day – Naughty boy

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A naughty boy was annoying all the passengers on a plane flight.
At last one man could stand it no longer.
“Hey kid, ” he shouted. “Why don’t you go outside and play?”