Doctor, doctor, I’ve just swallowed a roll of film.
Don’t worry, nothing serious will develop.
“What’s a vet? I’m a dogtor.”
A nurse burst into the doctor’s office:
Nurse : “Doctor, the patient you just gave a clean bill of health dropped dead outside the door. What should I do?”
Doctor: “Quick! Turn him the other way so he’ll look like he was just coming in.”
A patient bursts into a doctor’s office.
Patient: “Doctor, I believe I’m a deck of cards!”
Doctor: “Please sit in the waiting room. I’ll be dealing with you later.”
Doctor, doctor, my mom keeps putting me in the dustbin.
Don’t talk rubbish!
Doctor, doctor, I think I’m a lavatory.
Hmmm….you do look a bit flushed!
Doctor, doctor, I feel like a bucket.
Hmmm…you look a little pale.
A businesswoman explained to her doctor that she was always breaking wind at board meetings, during interviews, in lifts and on the tram. It was impossible to control.
Businesswoman: “But at least I am fortunate in two aspects – they neither smell nor make a noise. In fact, you’ll be surprised to know it’s happened twice since I’ve been talking to you, Doc.”
Doctor: (Scribbled a prescription and handed it to her)
Businesswoman: “What? Nasal drops?
Doctor: “Yes, we’ll fix your nose first and then we’ll have a go on your hearing.”
Patient: “Doctor, Doctor, I have a carrot growing on my head.”
Doctor: “Amazing! How could that have happened?”
Patient: “I don’t understand it – I planted watermelons there!”