Timmy: “My brother thinks he’s a chicken.”
John: “Why don’t you take him to the doctor and have him cured.”
Timmy: “We need the eggs.”
Patient: “Doctor, Doctor, I have a carrot growing on my head.”
Doctor: “Amazing! How could that have happened?”
Patient: “I don’t understand it – I planted watermelons there!”
A very disturbed man sought his analyst and said, “I have developed a phobia that is ruining my work. Crowds make me violently sick.”
“What’s your business?” asked the doctor.
The patient said, “I’m a pick-pocket.”
When a car skidded on wet pavement and struck a light pole, several bystanders ran over to help the driver.
A woman was the first to reach the victim, but a man rushed in and pushed her back. “Step aside, lady,” he barked. “I’ve taken a course in first aid.”
The woman watched him for a few minutes, then tapped his shoulder. “Pardon me,” she said. “But when you get to the part about calling a doctor, I’m right here.”
An elderly gentleman with serious hearing problems goes to the doctor who fits him with hearing aids that allow him to hear at 100% for the first time in many years.
The elderly man goes back in a month for a checkup. The doctor says, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.”
To which the gentleman replies, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!”.