“Man cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter.”
James A. Garfield
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The husband said, “You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.”
Wife replies, “No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.”
Husband replies, “I can’t believe that, show me.”
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says: “HEBREWS”
When a car skidded on wet pavement and struck a light pole, several bystanders ran over to help the driver.
A woman was the first to reach the victim, but a man rushed in and pushed her back. “Step aside, lady,” he barked. “I’ve taken a course in first aid.”
The woman watched him for a few minutes, then tapped his shoulder. “Pardon me,” she said. “But when you get to the part about calling a doctor, I’m right here.”
Speaker: This is terrible! I’m the speaker at this banquet and I forgot my false teeth!
Man: I happen to have an extra pair; try these.
Speaker: Too small!
Man: Well, try this pair.
Speaker: Too big!
Man: I have one pair left.
Speaker: These fit just fine. It sure is lucky to sit next to a dentist!
Man: I’m not the dentist. I’m an undertaker.