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Joke of the day – My family

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Bill: “My family is just like a nation. My wife is the minister of finance, my mum-in-law is minister of war and my daughter is foreign secretary.”

Sam: Sounds interesting. And what is your position?”

Bill: I’m the people. All I do is pay.”

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Joke of the day – Toilet therapy

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Husband: “When I get mad at you, you never fight back.
How do you control your anger?”

Wife: “I clean the toilet.”

Husband: “How does that help?”

Wife: “I use your toothbrush.”

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Joke of the day – Who should brew the coffee

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A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The husband said, “You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.”

Wife replies, “No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.”

Husband replies, “I can’t believe that, show me.”

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says: “HEBREWS”

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Joke of the day – The portrait

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A woman decided to have her portrait painted.

She told the artist, “Paint me with diamond rings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and gold Rolex.”

“But you are not wearing any of those things,” he replied.

“I know,” she said. “It’s in case I should die before my husband. I’m sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewellery.”

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Joke of the day – Lecture on economy

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Two husbands leaning on the bar.

“Did you give your wife a lecture on economy like I told you?”

“Yes, I certainly did.”

“And what was the result?”

“I’ve got to give up smoking.”

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Joke of the day – House cleaning

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Tim: Boss, we’re doing some heavy house cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.

Boss: We’re short-handed, Tim. I can’t give you the day off.

Tim: Thanks, boss. I knew I could count on you!.

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Joke of the day – Best time to plant lettuce

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A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife:
“Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?”

The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter:
“Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money.”

A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife:
“Dear Husband, You wouldn’t believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up all the back garden.”

The prisoner wrote another letter back:
“Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce.”

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Joke of the day – You’re A to K

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After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.

He looked at her for a while, and then said, “You’re A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K.”

She asked, “What does that mean?”

He said, “Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot.”

She smiled happily and said, “Oh, that’s so lovely. What about I, J, K?”

He said, “I’m Just Kidding!”

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Joke of the day – Saying grace

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A couple invited some co-workers to dinner. At the table, the wife turned to their six-year-old daughter and said,

“Would you like to say grace?”

“I wouldn’t know what to say”, the girl replied.

“Just say what you hear Mom say”, the wife answered.

The daughter bowed her head and said,

“Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?”