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Joke of the day – Valentine gift

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Howard, 18 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day, at a very smart jeweller’s shop in Hatton Garden, London.

The jeweller inquired, ‘Would you like your girlfriend’s name engraved on it?’

Howard thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, ‘No, instead engrave ‘To my one and only love’.’

The jeweller smiled and said, ‘Yes, sir, how very romantic of you.’

Howard retorted with a glint in his eye, ‘Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again.’

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Joke of the day – The portrait

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A woman decided to have her portrait painted.

She told the artist, “Paint me with diamond rings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and gold Rolex.”

“But you are not wearing any of those things,” he replied.

“I know,” she said. “It’s in case I should die before my husband. I’m sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewellery.”