A Englishman with a parrot on his shoulder walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “Wow, that’s cool. Where did you get him?”
The parrot says, “In England. They’ve got tons of them over there.”
Two husbands leaning on the bar.
“Did you give your wife a lecture on economy like I told you?”
“Yes, I certainly did.”
“And what was the result?”
“I’ve got to give up smoking.”
A snake slithers into a bar and the bartender says, ‘Sorry, buddy. I can’t serve you.’
‘Why not?’ the snake asks.
‘Because you can’t hold your liquor.’
One night in Paris, a tourist dropped into a sidewalk cafe late one night and, after a couple of drinks, realized he was the last person in the bar except for a chap sleeping at one of the tables.
The man called the proprietor over and asked for his bill.“Would monsieur care for another drink?” asked the Frenchman.
“No thanks, I imagine you want to close up. Why don’t you send that other fellow home?”
“Well, I should,” said the Frenchman. Then, he added, “But each time I wake him up he asks for the bill and pays it again.”
A group of people were having a party at the local pub. Suddenly, someone yelled “All the married men, please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living.”
The bartender was almost crushed to death.