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Joke of the day – Best time to plant lettuce

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A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife:
“Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?”

The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter:
“Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money.”

A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife:
“Dear Husband, You wouldn’t believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up all the back garden.”

The prisoner wrote another letter back:
“Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce.”

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Joke of the day – Two lines in heaven

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When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared and said, “I want the men to make two lines: one line for the men who were true heads of their household and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter.”

With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man.

God got mad and said, “You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?”

And the man replied, “I don’t know, my wife told me to stand here.”

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Joke of the day – Punctuation

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An English professor wrote the words, “Woman without her man is nothing” on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.

The men wrote: “Woman, without her man, is nothing.”

The women wrote: “Woman! Without her, man is nothing.”