The lawyer’s son wanted to follow in his father’s footsteps, so he went to law school and graduated with honors. Then he went home to join his father’s firm.
At the end of his first day at work, he rushed into his father’s office and said, “Father, father! In one day I broke the Smith case that you’ve been working on for so long!”
His father yelled, “You idiot! We’ve been living on the funding of that case for ten years!”
A young lawyer died and was brought to heaven. Upon arriving the lawyer started protesting that it’s way to early for him to die, for he was only 32 years old, and there must be some mistake. The listening angel agreed that perhaps it was a mistake and agreed to look into it. After a few minutes the angel came back and said “I’m sorry sir but I am afraid there is no mistake, we calculated your age by how many hours you billed your clients, and you are at least 96.”
The pretty young wife was suing for divorce.
“On what grounds?” asked her solicitor. “You’ve got to have grounds”.
“But we do,” she assured him. “Yes we have large grounds, a 20-hectare block.”
“No, no,” he said. “Do you have a grudge?”
“Yes, we have a double garage because we have two cars”.
“No, no,” said the solicitor, near exasperation. “Does he beat you up?”
“Never,” she said. “I’m always up at six, and he sleeps in till ten sometimes.”
The solicitor finally grabbed her by the shoulders.
“Reasons!” he shouted. “What are your reasons?”
“Oh, we don’t seem to be able to communicate,” she said.
A lawyer drives through a stop sign and gets pulled over by a policeman. He thinks that he’s cleverer than the officer and decides to talk his way out of a fine.
“Show me your license and registration,” says the policeman.
“What for?” says the lawyer.
“I slowed down and no-one was coming.”
“You still didn’t come to a complete stop.”
“What’s the difference?”
“The difference is you have to come to a complete stop, that’s the law.”
“If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop,” says the lawyer, “I’ll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go.”
“Get out of the vehicle, please sir,” says the policeman.
The lawyer gets out and the policeman starts beating the hell out of him with his truncheon. “Do you want me to stop?” asks the cop, “or just slow down?”