What should you say when you meet a ghost?
How do you boo, Sir, how do you boo!
When do ghosts usually appear?
Just before someone screams!
What did mother ghost say to the baby ghost?
Put your boos and shocks on!
Who speaks at the ghosts’ press conference?
The spooksperson!
What is the ghost’s favorite dessert?
Boo-Berry pie with I-scream!
An elephant escaped from a circus and no trace had been found until a lady who had never seen an elephant before rang the police. She was panic-stricken.
“There’s a weird monster in my back yard,” she said. “It is pulling up the cabbages with its tail. But what is worse…I cannot describe what it is doing with them!”
On which day do monsters eat people?
Chewsday.
Why did the monster eat the lightbulb?
He wanted some light refreshment.
What’s a good job for a young monster?
Chop assistant.
“Mrs Johnson, your daughter would be a fine dancer, except for two things?”
“What are they?”
“Both feet!”
Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a sheep.
That’s baaaaaaaaaad!
Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a dog.
Sit!
Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains.
Oh, pull yourself together!
Doctor, Doctor, I think I’m a bridge.
What’s come over you?
Oh, two cars, a large truck and a bus.
Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I’m God.
When did this start?
After I created the sun, then the earth …
Sign in a restaurant window: “Kitchen hand wanted, to wash dishes and two waitresses.”
The pretty young wife was suing for divorce.
“On what grounds?” asked her solicitor. “You’ve got to have grounds”.
“But we do,” she assured him. “Yes we have large grounds, a 20-hectare block.”
“No, no,” he said. “Do you have a grudge?”
“Yes, we have a double garage because we have two cars”.
“No, no,” said the solicitor, near exasperation. “Does he beat you up?”
“Never,” she said. “I’m always up at six, and he sleeps in till ten sometimes.”
The solicitor finally grabbed her by the shoulders.
“Reasons!” he shouted. “What are your reasons?”
“Oh, we don’t seem to be able to communicate,” she said.
“Mom”, said the little boy, “where did I come from?”
“The stork brought you, dear,” was the reply.
And where did you come from, Mom?”
“The stork brought me too.”
“And what about grandma?”
“The stork brought her too.”
“Gee,” said the little lad, “Doesn’t it ever worry you to think that
there have been no natural births in our family for three generations?”
“In a Sunday school class, the teacher asked the students to write down the Ten Commandments. For the fifth commandment one boy wrote, “Humor thy father and thy mother.”
Little Suzie : My Sunday school teacher says we’re put on earth to help others. Is that right, Mom?
Mother : Of course, dear.
Little Suzie: Then what are the others here for?
Wife: My husband thinks he is a refrigerator.
Psychiatrist: I wouldn’t worry as long as he is not violent.
Wife: Oh, the delusion doesn’t bother me. But when he sleeps with his mouth open, the little light keeps me awake.
New Bloggy Cat [NBC] 