The monastery was in financial trouble and decided to go into the fish and chip business. One night a customer rapped on the door which was opened by a monk.
“Are you the fish friar?”
“No,” replied the robed figure. “I’m a chip monk!”
Tag Archives: short jokes
Joke of the day – The birthday present
A wife buys an enormous birthday present for her husband.
He opens it and looks rather confused.
“What am I supposed to do with a rocket?”
“You wanted space,” she replies. “Now get lost.”
Joke of the day – Snail at the bar
In the process of wiping his bar one day, a bartender looks down and sees a snail. “Can I have a beer?” asks the snail. The bartender just looks at him, shrugs and flicks him off the bar.
A year later, the bartender looks down to find a snail looking at him. “What did you do that for?” it asks.
Joke of the day – The self-conscious businessman
The business was self-conscious because he had no ears. So, when he hired a manager, he asked each candidate, “Do you notice anything unusual about me?”
The first replied, “You have no ears.” He was shown the door. When the second candidate’s response was the same, he was also tossed out.
But the third guy had a different answer. “You’re wearing contact lenses,” he said. “How did you know?” the businessman gasped.
“Because people who have no ears have to wear contacts.”
Joke of the day – Food effects
Scientists have identified a food that, once digested, can have negative effects on people’s health that last for decades, including mood-swings in women, psychotic episodes in men and severe depression in both.
It’s called ‘wedding cake’.
Joke of the day – The ninety-year-old
Ninety-year-old Jack goes to his doctor for a check-up. A few weeks later, the doctor sees him in the streets with a gorgeous, much younger woman on his arm.
“You’re really doing well, aren’t you?” he tells the elderly man.
Jack replies, “Just doing what you said Doctor: Get a hot mama and be cheerful.”
“No,” says the doctor. “I said,”You’ve got a heart murmur – be careful.”
Joke of the day – Our neighbour’s cat
Our neighbour’s cat was run over by a car, and the mother quickly disposed the remains before her four-year-old son Johnny found out about it. After a few days, though, Johnny asked about the cat.
“Johnny, the cat died, ” his mother explained. “But it’s alright. He’s up in heaven with God.”
The boy asked, “What in the world would God want with a dead cat?”
Joke of the day – Cow & chicken
A cow and a chicken break out of prison and make their way to the border. Hiding behind a bush, they peer out at the checkpoint on the other side of a road, the only thing that stands between them and freedom.
The chicken looks at the cow and says sadly, “You go on. I’ll have to turn back here.”
“But, why?” the bewildered cow asks.
The chicken’s eyes move slowly from the armed guards at the checkpoint to the road in from of them. Then he says, “If I cross that road, it might raise a lot of questions.”
Joke of the day – The argument
“Pour me a double whisky. I’ve just had an argument with my wife.” Sam tells Charlie the bartender.
“Oh, yeah?” says Charlie. “Who won?”
“Put it like this,” says Sam. “When it was all said and done, she came crawling to me on her hands and knees.”
“Really?” says Charlie. “What did she say?”
“Come out of the bed you snivelling coward.”
Joke of the day – Sheep farm
“I’ve got the biggest sheep farm in the state,” a farmer boasted to his neighbor.
“Oh yeah? How many sheep do you have?”
“I don’t know. Every time I try to count the sheep, I fall asleep.”
New Bloggy Cat [NBC] 