7

🕊 Happy 90th Birthday in Heaven, Dad! 🪷

My dearest Dad,
It was not my intention to write this on your birthday with such a heavy heart. You know I’ve always been real and brutally honest about the matters of the heart. And I know I had to write this to heal my wounded heart.
Two days ago, I was blamed, criticized and humiliated with a whole load of nonsense and distorted facts. And this happened over an email I had written which was not even addressed to her but to her significant other. You know who I’m referring to, Dad. I don’t need to mention her name here. Aren’t you glad she doesn’t carry your surname? She thinks that she can just overstep and attack me sarcastically and vindictively about issues in the family that she had no first hand knowledge.
With the recent email and the limited knowledge she had gathered over the decade, she boldly exudes authority to point her finger at me. She hit me below the belt. And further sent what seemed like an endless text message with false accusations and derogatory remarks about me and my personal life. She made me look like an outcast, a good for nothing sibling to her other half. Yes, I messed up, Dad. I’ve made some really bad choices. But, I’m not afraid to acknowledge them and be vulnerable about it.
I know that you too had been in such a situation once too often, Dad. We have both been misunderstood by our good intentions, sacrifices and sincerity. But we know who we are, Dad, and it doesn’t matter what others think about us.
Just like you, there’s no need to explain or to defend myself. Everything she said was in fact a reflection of her own failings and insecurities. My heart is clear and at peace. I’ve always been myself and I’ve done my best within my means for the family.
So I just gave her a short reply and said she’s entitled to her own views and opinions. I then left the conversation. I have no time for her drama and her twisted facts.
But you know what hurt me the most, Dad. It was when she said I have been a selfish sister and that I never give back. And what I had written brought no comfort but only burden. She said I don’t even know how to take care of my own mother. It was uncalled for cos she was in no position to comment on behalf of my brother.
She shamelessly put herself on the pedestal and said Mom once told her she is a blessing to the family and she was the one who brought the family together. Ha!
Perhaps she should answer the following questions* before she lash out at me:-
*Who was the one who helped care for Dad after his brain injury which left him half paralyzed due to the delay on the surgery? And I was only 15 then.
*Who was the one who helped Dad get to the bathroom to have his bath? It was not an easy task cos we do not have an attached bathroom and neither did we have a wheelchair then.
*Who was the one who traveled home every Friday evening by bus from KL to Raub, so I could help take care of Dad and do the house cleaning and rushed back to KL on Sunday evening? I was in college then and later started working but I still do that until Mom and Dad moved to KL.
*Who was the one who rented a house in USJ from 1994 – 2001 for Mom and Dad? Who took care of them during this period?
*Who was the one who took leave from work to send Mom and Dad for all their hospital appointments ?
*Who was the one who took care of mom when she had Bell’s Palsy?
*Who was the one who sent her to the hospital every morning for facial therapy until she got better?
*Who was the one who helped care for Dad when he was diagnosed with throat cancer in August 2000? And he was given only six months to live. (No one knew those days when I cried in the car while driving home from work cos I don’t want Dad to see me looking sad)
*Who was the one who sent Dad to the prayer and healing meeting every Tuesday night cos Mom wanted to bring him there?
*Who was the one who was there to hold Dad until he drew his last breath?
I know you appreciate all that I had done for you, Dad and it doesn’t matter now if everyone else choose to forget.
Life is too short to dwell on someone who is so toxic. I want to be surrounded by those who uplift my spirit and gives me peace.
And as I ponder on this incident, I realized that your love for me was unconditional and pure. Thank you, Dad for seeing the real me and loving me for who I am, not for who you want me to be.
I’m okay, Dad. I shall move on, reinvent myself and just be happy.
Happy 90th birthday in heaven, Dad! Cheers! 🥂
❤️All my love, Pat ❤️🌈
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4

🌿Farewell, Olivia 🕊

🌿[26.09.1948 – 08.08.2022]🌿
(www.pinterest.com)
Today, the whole world
is saddened by the
passing of our lovely
Olivia Newton John.
How could we not love
a person like Olivia.
She was beautiful inside out and
she had the most angelic voice.
How could we ever forget
her iconic films like
Grease and Xanadu.
My inner younger self
is absolutely shattered.
I adored Olivia and
she had made my teenage and
young adult life more colorful.
I have great admiration
for her talent and
she had shown such
bravery, courage and strength
in her 30-year long
battle with cancer.
She was a beacon of grace,
love, hope and joy to all.
Rest in glorious peace now,
Dame Olivia.
We honestly love you and
we are hopelessly devoted
to you forever.
🌿❤️🌈💐🕊💐🌈❤️🌿
10

💕Dad’s 21st Anniversary💫

Found a photo of dad taken in 1961
and coincidentally today is
61 years since it was taken.
Hello Dad,
Today is the 21st anniversary
of your passing and
I want to remember
this day with gladness.
About 10 years ago,
I realized I have not
allowed myself to really
feel the pain of losing you.
And through writing
on this blog during your
anniversary and birthday,
I had finally found healing
and peace in my heart.
The kind of wealth you possess
was priceless and admirable.
you were amiable,
you were big hearted,
you were compassionate,
you were a true friend,
you loved animals and nature,
you read a lot and read till
your very last day and
you had a wonderful
sense of humour.
No, you were not perfect.
You had flaws, don’t we all?
We’re all imperfect and
that’s what makes us human.
Last year was a tough year for us,
as we had to bid farewell
to Aunt SC and Uncle W.
And I could imagine you
standing there at heaven’s gate
waiting to greet them
with open arms.
I know how fond you were
of your sister, SC and
that you were close to her
when you were both younger.
But then, we sometimes
drift apart through the years
due to many reasons.
I remember mom once said
that you had wanted to write
a book about your life.
I wish you had done so.
The truth and the many things
left unsaid would have helped
fit all the missing pieces
of the puzzle together.
But that’s okay, Dad.
I’m slowly gathering
all the missing pieces and
getting a clearer view
of the whole picture.
I miss you, dad.
I miss your smile and
I miss your warm humour.
Have a blessed day in heaven, Dad!
Always in my heart,
❤️Pat
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8

Remembering my beloved dad

Today marks 20 years since my dad left us.
It’s comforting to know that
when it comes to the love and bond
between a father and his daughter,
there is no expiration date.
And his love and his spirit
will continue to live and linger on,
in my thoughts,
in my heart and
in my life.
Me and my dad on my first birthday!
“Say not in grief ‘he is no more ‘ but in thankfulness that he was.” – Hebrew Proverb
6

A rose for my beloved aunt

I picked a beautiful rose for you, Aunt Ying…
and I took a stroll down memory lane;
Memories of you have walked
beside me for four years,
and they have constantly filled
my heart with gladness;
I’m forever thankful
for this priceless treasure.
Today, in your honor
I celebrate life,
and think of you with
love, gratitude and fondness.
“Memories and thoughts age, just as people do, But certain thoughts can never age, and certain memories can never fade.” – Haruki Murakami
4

Special mail to heaven!

source

Hi there, Dad
Today marks 19 years since you left.  Thinking of you with love as I reflect how much we do have in common, though I look more like mom.
We both love….
~ coffee & tea. When I was young you used to pour the coffee into the saucer cos the coffee was too hot.  Oh, how I loved to drink from the saucer then.
~ snacks.  We love to snack while watching the television.
~ music.  We love Elvis Presley and we both love to sing.
~ animals.  Thank you for all the pets you had brought home.  I had dogs, bunnies, cats, fishes, tortoise though mom was not that enthusiastic then about having pets at home.
We were both good drivers and we admire antique and fancy cars. (I still like to drive a manual car).
We have a great sense of humour.  
We have a lot of patience. (But I think my patience is wearing thin since the day I got married, Dad. LOL!)
You were not a perfect dad.  You made mistakes and you had flaws.
And you had your fair share of trials and tribulations during your life journey here.
But that’s okay, Dad.  What’s important is that you were real, you did the best you could and your love was unconditional.
Thank you, Dad for being real and for being you – a simple, humble, kind, honest and generous person.
Much love and hugs, Pat
d8f417_05da39eadb42416aa785ff159f8ad9a1

 

10

Message to my aunt in heaven

flower fr nursery

Hello again, Aunt Ying
I thought about you today.  Though it is nothing new as I often thought about you in silence and whenever I see the beautiful plants and colourful flowers at the nursery near my home.
I remember those times we sat and talked.  Talking to you was always a treat.
We once talked about life and death.  You told me that one day you will die and I said, “Aunt, please don’t say that.”  But you said, “It’s a fact we must all accept.”  You then showed me a beautiful photo of yourself and said it will be the photo of your final journey.
Not too long after that you told me that you had trouble sleeping and you were getting quite forgetful.  I did not feel anything amiss at that time cos I was rather forgetful myself too.  
I feel sad and helpless when you told me you could no longer drive or do your own shopping.  I know how much you loved to be independent.  You said you would never want to be a burden to your family.
Also, you often spoke about your two loving daughters, both have made you felt really loved and blessed as a mother. And how much you loved and enjoyed being a grandma to your two wonderful grandsons.
I thought about my visit to your home with  Sydelle and Shaye in November 2016.  You said you felt very tired.  Though you did not say much on that day,  you looked at Sydelle and Shaye and uttered “They are very beautiful”.  Something you often said about the girls when we meet.  I’m thankful that we visited you that day.  But I never thought that would be our last goodbye.

k4hjyssfd49

 

Today, I will light a candle for you to let you know,
I miss your smile
I miss your voice
I miss your wit and your wisdom.
Rest in peace, Aunt Ying!
I shall see you one day on the other side of the stars.
Much love, Pat

 

 

10

Hello Dad…

visit to cemetery

Hello Dad,
today is January 7th
the same date seventeen years ago
at the wee hour of the morning
when I held you in my arms as you
struggled and breathe your last.
The last time Mom and I visited you
at the cemetery was quite some time ago
Not that we have forgotten you but
we believe your spirit dwells
in our hearts and not at the place
where we laid you to rest.
I’m glad I visited you today, Dad
I believe you were at the cemetery too.
I found peace within as I reminisce on the
lessons learned after your passing…
Life is too short to be grumpy
There’s hope in the midst of adversity.
Our success or failures does not
define who we are.
Life is about being joyful.
And there’s joy…
in being yourself
in giving & sharing
in the midst of pain and suffering,
May we find the strength
to let go of our past…
the years of pain and difficulties that
we had somehow survived and have made
 us more compassionate and resilient.
May our hearts be filled with
love, joy and  peace
as we continue to live
joyfully in the moment.

316603-animated-swan-on-lake-with-lotus-flower

 

12

Remembering my aunt

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Hello Aunt Ying

I can’t believe it’s been a year since you left us.

I thought about you often after your passing.

And you even appear in my dream twice.

I’m glad you’re now free and at peace,

re-united again with grandma, uncle PW, and my dad.

I believe they were there to welcome you with open arms.

Only when I was in my 20s and started working

that I got to know you better.

 You seemed stern and strict to us when we were young.

But the truth was you were kind, understanding and witty.

And you were the aunt who would call me occasionally

to see how I was doing and for that I thank you.

Today, I want to remember

… your beautiful smile

… your warm hug

…your caring heart

…your love for gardening,

and your beautiful garden.

Also to  let you know that

you’re in our thoughts today and

we believe your spirit still lives among us.

Memories of you will continue

to linger in our hearts and

 we will always miss you.

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