The monastery was in financial trouble and decided to go into the fish and chip business. One night a customer rapped on the door which was opened by a monk.
“Are you the fish friar?”
“No,” replied the robed figure. “I’m a chip monk!”
Category Archives: Good clean jokes
Joke of the day – Political definitions
Capitalism: You possess two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Socialism: You possess two cows. You give one of them to your neighbour.
Communism: You possess two cows. The government confiscates them and provide you with milk.
Nazism: You possess two cows. The government confiscates them and shoots you.
European Common Market: You possess two cows. The government confiscates them, shoots one, milks the other and pour it down the drain.
Joke of the day – The hunting trip
Four men go on a hunting trip. The only hotel in the area is almost full, so they have to bunk two to a room. No one wants to share with Joe because he snores, so the others decide to take turns.
The first man stays with Joe and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes bloodshot.
“What happened to you?” asked his friends. “Joe snored so loudly I just sat up and watched him all night,” he moans.
The following evening, it is the second man’s turn. He also looks awful in the morning.
“Oh, man, that Joe shakes the roof,” he says. “I sat up and watched him all night too.”
The third night is Sam’s turn, a burly ex-rugby player. Next morning he comes down to breakfast looking very fresh.
The first two men are incredulous. “Wow, what happened?”
“Well,” says Sam. “We got ready for bed. I tucked Joe in, wished him sweet dreams and kissed him on the forehead. He sat up and watched me all night.”
Joke of the day – The birthday present
A wife buys an enormous birthday present for her husband.
He opens it and looks rather confused.
“What am I supposed to do with a rocket?”
“You wanted space,” she replies. “Now get lost.”
Funny Poem – My bald dad
“I wouldn’t say my dad was bald but he combs his hair with a sponge;
It’s the first time I had ever seen a parting with ears;
He had been mistaken for a honeydew melon.”
Joke of the day – The new ministry
A man opened a ministry, using a snippet from the Bible as the name. But he soon regretted his decision to order office supplies over the phone.
When his stationery arrived, it bore the letterhead “That Nun Should Perish.”
Funny Poem
Don’t worry if your life’s a joke;
And your successes are but few;
Remember that the mighty oak;
Was once a nut like you!
Joke of the day – Snail at the bar
In the process of wiping his bar one day, a bartender looks down and sees a snail. “Can I have a beer?” asks the snail. The bartender just looks at him, shrugs and flicks him off the bar.
A year later, the bartender looks down to find a snail looking at him. “What did you do that for?” it asks.
Joke of the day – The wise professor
Two university students had an exam coming up but they opted to party instead, and missed the test. “Our car broke down due to a flat tyre,” they told the professor earnestly. “Can we write the exam tomorrow?” The professor agreed to give them a makeup test the next day.
Both boys crammed all night until they were sure they knew just about everything. Arriving the next morning, each was told to go to a separate classroom to take the exam. They shrugged and complied. As they sat down, they read the first question: “For 5 points, explain the contents of an atom.” This is going to be a piece of cake! thought each boy, answering the question with ease.
Then, the test continued. “For 95 points, tell me which tyre it was.”
Joke of the day – Drill camp
During a drill camp, a sergeant ordered two young female recruits to paint a room, in the barracks, stressing that they must not get any paint on their uniforms.
Doubtful that they could avoid this, the women locked the door and stripped naked to paint. When they heard a knock at the door, one asked, “Who is it?”
“Blind man,” came the reply.
Seeing no harm in letting a blind man enter, they opened the door. “Wow, what knockouts!” the delighted man said. “Now, where do you want these blinds?”
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