Β Claw Enforcement
(Catβs way of keeping law & order)
Tag Archives: cat jokes
Joke of the day – Favorite Song
What song do cats adore?
βͺβ(γ»oο½₯)ββͺ Felines….nothing left but felines….βͺβ (ο½₯oο½₯ ) ββͺ
Joke of the day – Kittens
What do you call a pile of kittens?
A meowntain!
Joke of the day – Cat’s Resolutions
5. I will not demand to get out the minute after I come in and vice versa.
4. I will not scratch wallpaper, curtains, furniture, clothing or my scratch pad.
3. I will not annoy the dog next door (unless Iβm in a bad mood)
2. I will come when my human calls me (occasionally)
and the Number One New Year’s Resolution for 2014 is…
1. I will not sleep more than 23 hours per day.
Joke of the day – The lucky saucer
A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a double take.
He knows that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.
The store owner replies, “I’m sorry, but the cat isn’t for sale.
The collector says, “Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I’ll pay you twenty dollars for that cat.” And the owner says “Sold,” and hands over the cat.
The collector continues, “Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat’s used to it and it’ll save me from having to get a dish.”
To which the owner says, “Sorry buddy, but that’s my lucky saucer. So far this week I’ve sold sixty-eight cats.”
Joke of the day – Our neighbour’s cat
Our neighbour’s cat was run over by a car, and the mother quickly disposed the remains before her four-year-old son Johnny found out about it. After a few days, though, Johnny asked about the cat.
“Johnny, the cat died, ” his mother explained. “But it’s alright. He’s up in heaven with God.”
The boy asked, “What in the world would God want with a dead cat?”
Dogs & Cats – Diary
Excerpts from a Dog’s Diary
Day number 180
8:00 am – Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 am – Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
9:40 am – Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
10:30 am – Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
11:30 am – Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
12:00 noon – Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
1:00 pm – Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
4:00 pm – Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
5:00 pm – Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
5:30 pm – Oh boy! Mom! My favorite!
Day number 181
8:00 am – Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 am – Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
9:40 am – Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
10:30 am – Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
11:30 am – Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
12:00 noon – Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
1:00 pm – Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
4:00 pm – Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
5:00 pm – Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
5:30 pm – Oh boy! Mom! My favorite!
Day number 182
8:00 am – Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 am – Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
9:40 am – Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
10:30 am – Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
11:30 am – Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
12:00 noon – Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
1:00 pm – Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
1:30 pm – ooooooo. bath. bummer.
4:00 pm – Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
5:00 pm – Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
5:30 pm – Oh boy! Mom! My favorite!
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Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary
Day 752 – My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
Day 761 – Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair … must try this on their bed.
Day 765 – Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was … Hmmm. Not working according to plan.
Day 768 – I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called “shampoo.” What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
Day 771 – There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of “allergies.” Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
Day 774 – I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured.
But I can wait, it is only a matter of time …
New Bloggy Cat [NBC] 