Two kids are sitting in a high school auditorium, listening to the principal give the welcoming speech for the year.
The principal says, “The two greatest dangers that students face are ignorance and apathy.”
One of the students turns to his friend and asks, “Dude, what’s ignorance and apathy?'”
The other student, bored and restless and wanting for the speech to end says, “I don’t know and I don’t care.”
Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.
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Note from an actual church bulletin:
Don’t let worry kill you.
Let the Church help.
What did the DNA say to the other DNA?
“Do these genes make me look fat?”
Once I had multiple personalities, but now we are feeling well.
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What does CPA stand for?
Can’t Pass Again.
I used to be addicted to soap,
but I’m clean now.
Howard, 18 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day, at a very smart jeweller’s shop in Hatton Garden, London.
The jeweller inquired, ‘Would you like your girlfriend’s name engraved on it?’
Howard thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, ‘No, instead engrave ‘To my one and only love’.’
The jeweller smiled and said, ‘Yes, sir, how very romantic of you.’
Howard retorted with a glint in his eye, ‘Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again.’
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