“Mrs Johnson, your daughter would be a fine dancer, except for two things?”
“What are they?”
“Both feet!”
Tag Archives: humor
Joke of the day – Doctor, Doctor
Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a sheep.
That’s baaaaaaaaaad!
Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a dog.
Sit!
Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains.
Oh, pull yourself together!
Doctor, Doctor, I think I’m a bridge.
What’s come over you?
Oh, two cars, a large truck and a bus.
Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I’m God.
When did this start?
After I created the sun, then the earth …
Joke of the day – Naughty boy
A naughty boy was annoying all the passengers on a plane flight.
At last one man could stand it no longer.
“Hey kid, ” he shouted. “Why don’t you go outside and play?”
Joke of the day – Spell backwards
Teacher: “Your daughter’s only five and she can spell her name backwards! Why, that’s remarkable!”
Mother: “Yes, we’re very proud of her.”
Teacher: “And what is your daughter’s name?
Mother: “Anna.”
Joke of the day – Restaurant sign
Sign in a restaurant window: “Kitchen hand wanted, to wash dishes and two waitresses.”
Joke of the day – Divorce
The pretty young wife was suing for divorce.
“On what grounds?” asked her solicitor. “You’ve got to have grounds”.
“But we do,” she assured him. “Yes we have large grounds, a 20-hectare block.”
“No, no,” he said. “Do you have a grudge?”
“Yes, we have a double garage because we have two cars”.
“No, no,” said the solicitor, near exasperation. “Does he beat you up?”
“Never,” she said. “I’m always up at six, and he sleeps in till ten sometimes.”
The solicitor finally grabbed her by the shoulders.
“Reasons!” he shouted. “What are your reasons?”
“Oh, we don’t seem to be able to communicate,” she said.
Joke of the day – The stork
“Mom”, said the little boy, “where did I come from?”
“The stork brought you, dear,” was the reply.
And where did you come from, Mom?”
“The stork brought me too.”
“And what about grandma?”
“The stork brought her too.”
“Gee,” said the little lad, “Doesn’t it ever worry you to think that
there have been no natural births in our family for three generations?”
Quote of the day – Ralph Fiennes
“One of the things that binds us as a family is a shared sense of humor.” – Ralph Fiennes
Joke of the day – Religious parrots
The priest had two parrots and taught them religiously to say the rosary. He even had two sets of rosary beads made. After a year of rigorous training he was delighted to have them perform at country fairs.
The priest was so pleased he decided to teach another parrot the rosary and bought a new parrot from the pet shop.
When he put it into the cage one of the originals said to the other. “Throw away your beads Fred, our prayers have been answered. It’s a sheila!”
Joke of the day – Golf clubs
“Tell me Charles,” she said. “If I die before you, would you still go to our golf club on weekends?”
“Oh, I suppose so, dear.”
“I guess, after a time, you would take up with another partner?”
“Oh I suppose so, dear.”
“Tell me Charles, would you let her use my clubs?”
“No dear, she’s left-handed.”
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