They call our language the mother tongue
because the father seldom gets to speak!
A local charity had never received a donation from the town’s banker, so the director made a phone call.
“Our records show you make $500,000 a year, yet you haven’t given a penny to charity,” the director began. “Wouldn’t you like to help the community?”
The banker replied, “Did your research show that my mother is ill, with extremely expensive medical bills?”
“Um, no,” mumbled the director.
“Or that my brother is blind and unemployed? Or that my sister’s husband died, leaving her broke with four kids?”
“I … I … I had no idea.”
“So,” said the banker, “if I don’t give them any money, why would I give any to you?”
ABRAHAM LINCOLN’S MOTHER: “Again with the stovepipe hat, Abe? Can’t
you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?”
ALBERT EINSTEIN’S MOTHER: “But, Albert, it’s your senior picture.
Can’t you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse,
BATMAN’S MOTHER: “It’s a nice car, Bruce, but do you realize how
much the insurance is going to be?”
GOLDILOCKS’ MOTHER: “I’ve got a bill here for a busted chair from
the Bear family. You know anything about this, Goldie?”
HUMPTY DUMPTY’S MOTHER: “Humpty, if I’ve told you once, I’ve told
you a hundred times not to sit on that wall. But would you listen to
JONAH’S MOTHER: “That’s a nice story, but now tell me where you’ve
really been for the last three days.”
MONA LISA’S MOTHER: “After all that money your father and I spent on
braces, Mona, that’s the biggest smile you can give us?”
LITTLE MISS MUFFET’S MOTHER: “Well, all I’ve got to say is if you
don’t get off your tuffet and start cleaning your room, there’ll be
a lot more spiders around here!”
MARY, MARY, QUITE CONTRARY’S MOTHER: “I
don’t mind you having a
garden, Mary, but does it have to be growing under your bed?”
MICHELANGELO’S MOTHER: “Mike, can’t you paint on walls like other
children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off
NAPOLEON’S MOTHER: “All right, Napoleon. If you aren’t hiding your
report card inside your jacket, then take your hand out of there and
SUPERMAN’S MOTHER: “Clark, your father and I have discussed it, and
we’ve decided you can have your own telephone line. Now will you
quit spending so much time in all those phone booths?”
THOMAS EDISON’S MOTHER: “Of course I’m proud that you invented the
electric light bulb, Thomas. Now turn off that light and get to
A mother took her little boy to church. While in church the little boy said, “Mom, I have to pee.”
The mother said to the little boy, “It’s not appropriate to say the word ‘pee’ in church. So, from now on whenever you have to ‘pee’ just tell me that you have to ‘whisper’.”
The following Sunday, the little boy went to church with his father and during the service said to his father, “Dad, I have to whisper.”
The father looked at him and said, “Okay, just whisper in my ear.”
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother. The first said: “I built a big house for our mother.”
The second said: “I sent her a Mercedes with a driver.”
The third said: “You remember how our mother enjoys reading the Bible. Now she can’t see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot recites it.”
Soon thereafter, their mother sent out her letters of thanks.
“Milton,” she said, “the house you built is so huge. I live only in one room, but I have to clean the whole house.
“Gerald,” she said, “I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home so I rarely use the Mercedes. And that driver is so rude! He’s a pain!”
“But Donald,” she said, “the little chicken you sent was delicious!”