Teacher: “Your daughter’s only five and she can spell her name backwards! Why, that’s remarkable!”
Mother: “Yes, we’re very proud of her.”
Teacher: “And what is your daughter’s name?
Mother: “Anna.”
Tag Archives: jokes
Joke of the day – Restaurant sign
Sign in a restaurant window: “Kitchen hand wanted, to wash dishes and two waitresses.”
Joke of the day – Golf clubs
“Tell me Charles,” she said. “If I die before you, would you still go to our golf club on weekends?”
“Oh, I suppose so, dear.”
“I guess, after a time, you would take up with another partner?”
“Oh I suppose so, dear.”
“Tell me Charles, would you let her use my clubs?”
“No dear, she’s left-handed.”
Joke of the day – Two words
Teacher: “I don’t allow two words in my class. One is gross, and the other is cool.”
Johnny: “So, what are the words?”
Joke of the day – Bad news
A bachelor who for companionship, had a beloved cat for over 10 years, plans a vacation to Paris and entrusts the cat with his brother.
As soon as he arrives in Paris he calls his brother and asks how his cat is doing without him. “Oh, the cat? He’s dead.” said the brother bluntly.
“I can’t believe this!” yells the bachelor. “How could you tell me he’s dead like that?” “How else was I supposed to tell you?” the brother asked.
“Well you could have broke it to me gently.” the brother went on.
“When I called today you could have said he is up on the roof but the fire department is getting him down.
Then tomorrow when I called you could have said that he fell while they were trying to rescue him and broke his back but, don’t worry, the best vet in town was doing the surgery to repair it.
And then when I called the third day you could have said they did all they could do but they couldn’t save him.” The brother thought about this and says, “That does sound better than the way I said it.”
“Never mind,” says the bachelor exasperated, “How’s mother?” The brother says “She’s on the roof but the fire department is getting her down.”
Short funny jokes
A poodle and a collie are walking together when the poodle suddenly unloads on his friend. “My life is a mess,” he says. “My owner is mean, my girlfriend ran away with a Schnauzer, and I’m as jittery as a cat.” “Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?”, suggested the collie. “I can’t,” says the poodle. “I’m not allowed on the couch.” ~ L. B.Weinstein
A man while walking in a graveyard hears the Third Symphony being played backwards. When it’s over, the Second Symphony starts playing, also backwards, and then the First. “What’s going on?”, he asks a cemetery worker. “It’s Beethoven,” says the worker. “He’s decomposing.” ~ Jeremy Hone
Every ten years, monks in a monastery are allowed to break their vow of silence to speak two words. Ten years go by and it’s one monk’s first chance. He thinks for a second before saying, “Food bad.” Ten years later, he says, “Bed hard.” It’s the big day, a decade later. He gives the head monk a long stare and says, “I quit.” “I’m not surprised,” says the head monk. “You’ve been complaining ever since you got here.” ~ Alan Lynch
Joke of the day – The Ugly Duckling
The Ugly Duckling
Three old maids die and arrive in heaven at the same time.
When they get there, St. Peter says, “We only have one rule here in heaven: don’t step on the ducks!”
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says, “Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!”
The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn’t miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first
woman.
The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.
She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, then one day St.Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on… very tall, dark hair, and muscular.
St. Peter chains them together without saying a word and walks away.
The happy woman says, “I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?”
The guy says, “I don’t know about you, but I stepped on a duck!”
