A Christian in ancient Rome was being pursued by a lion. He ran through the city streets and into the woods dodging back and forth among the trees. Finally it became obvious that it was hopeless – the lion was going to catch him. So, he turned suddenly, faced the beast and dropped to his knees. “Lord,” he prayed desperately, “make this lion a Christian.”
Instantly the lion dropped to its knees and prayed, “For this meal of which I am about to partake…”
There are really only three types of people: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who say,”What happened?” – Ann Landers
The monastery was in financial trouble and decided to go into the fish and chip business. One night a customer rapped on the door which was opened by a monk.
“Are you the fish friar?”
“No,” replied the robed figure. “I’m a chip monk!”
“Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.”
― Alexander Pope
Capitalism: You possess two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Socialism: You possess two cows. You give one of them to your neighbour.
Communism: You possess two cows. The government confiscates them and provide you with milk.
Nazism: You possess two cows. The government confiscates them and shoots you.
European Common Market: You possess two cows. The government confiscates them, shoots one, milks the other and pour it down the drain.
“The most beautiful people I’ve known are those who have known trials, have known struggles, have known loss, and have found their way out of the depths.” ― Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
Four men go on a hunting trip. The only hotel in the area is almost full, so they have to bunk two to a room. No one wants to share with Joe because he snores, so the others decide to take turns.
The first man stays with Joe and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes bloodshot.
“What happened to you?” asked his friends. “Joe snored so loudly I just sat up and watched him all night,” he moans.
The following evening, it is the second man’s turn. He also looks awful in the morning.
“Oh, man, that Joe shakes the roof,” he says. “I sat up and watched him all night too.”
The third night is Sam’s turn, a burly ex-rugby player. Next morning he comes down to breakfast looking very fresh.
The first two men are incredulous. “Wow, what happened?”
“Well,” says Sam. “We got ready for bed. I tucked Joe in, wished him sweet dreams and kissed him on the forehead. He sat up and watched me all night.”
“True humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less.” ― C.S. Lewis
…a vision of LOVE!
A wife buys an enormous birthday present for her husband.
He opens it and looks rather confused.
“What am I supposed to do with a rocket?”
“You wanted space,” she replies. “Now get lost.”
