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Tag Archives: humor
Happiness is …
…a doggie pile-up.
Joke of the day – Dream job
Getting paid to sleep would be my dream job!
“One should always be drunk. That’s all that matters…But with what? With wine, with poetry, or with virtue, as you chose. But get drunk.”
– Charles Baudelaire
Joke of the day – Be more or less specific
“Young man, where do you work? the judge asked the defendant.
“Here and there,” said the man,
“What do you do for a living?”
“This and that.”
“Take him away,” said the judge.
The man said, “Wait a minute! When will I get out?”
The judge replied, “Sooner or later.”
Joke of the day – Concise essay
A university creative writing class was asked to write
a concise essay containing these four elements:
religion, royalty, sex and mystery.
The prize-winning essay read:
“My God,” said the Queen. “I’m pregnant. I wonder who did it?”
Joke of the day – Grandma knows best
An elderly grandmother was giving her grandson directions to her apartment.
Grandma: “I am in apartment 4012. There is a big panel at the front door.
With your elbow, push button 4012. I will buzz you in.
Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 4.
When you get out, I’m on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell.”
Grandson: “Grandma, that sounds easy. But, why am I hitting all these buttons
with my elbow?
Grandma: “What……You coming empty handed?”
Joke of the day – Law student
What do you call a law student who tries to sue himself?
Self tort.
Recipe for a Happy New Year
Take twelve whole months.
Clean them thoroughly of all bitterness,
hate, and jealousy.
Make them just as fresh and clean as possible.
Now cut each month into twenty-eight, thirty, or
thirty-one different parts,
but don’t make up the whole batch at once.
Prepare it one day at a time out of these ingredients:
Mix well into each day one part of faith,
one part of patience, one part of courage,
and one part of work.
Add to each day one part of hope,
faithfulness, generosity, and kindness.
Blend with one part prayer, one part meditation,
and one good deed.
Season the whole with a dash of good spirits,
a sprinkle of fun, a pinch of play,
and a cupful of good humor.
Pour all of this into a vessel of love.
Cook thoroughly over radiant joy,
garnish with a smile,
and serve with quietness, unselfishness,
and cheerfulness.
You’re bound to have a happy new year.
~ Author Unknown ~
Joke of the day – Romantic duck
I’m in a Chinese restaurant and this duck comes up with a red rose and says: “Your eyes sparkle like diamonds.”
I said: “Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck.”
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