A primary one teacher gave her class a “show and tell” assignment. The assignment is to bring something to represent their religion.
Jude: “I’m Jewish and this is the Star of David.”
Mary: “I’m Catholic and this is the Crucifix.”
Tommy: “I’m Baptist and this is a casserole.”
Dog owner: “Father, my dog is dead. Could ya’ say a mass for the poor creature?”
Father Lawrence: “I’m afraid not. We cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there’s no tellin’ what they believe. Maybe they’ll do something for your dog.”
Dog owner: “I’ll go right away Father. Do ya’ think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?”
Father Lawrence: “Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn’t ya tell me the dog was Catholic?
A farmer and his son were on a train headed for their first visit to the city when a priest hobbled into their compartment on crutches, with his foot in plaster.
“Slipped in the bathtub,” he explained.
When the priest got out at the next station the son said, “What’s a bathtub, Dad?”
“I dunno son, I’m not a Catholic.”
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A roamin’ Catholic.