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Joke of the day – The pathetic lawyer

clipart_stpeter

The lawyer is standing at the gate to Heaven and St. Peter is listing his sins:

1) Defending a large corporation in a pollution suit where he knew it was guilty.
2).Prosecuting an innocent woman because a scapegoat was needed in a controversial case.
3) Defending an obviously guilty murderer because the fee was high.
4) Overcharging fees to many clients.
And the list went on for quite awhile.

The lawyer objects and begins to argue his case. He admits all these things, but argues, “Wait, I’ve done some charity in my life also.” St. Peter looks in his book and says,“Yes, I see. Once you gave a dime to a panhandler and once you gave an extra nickel to the shoeshine boy, correct?”

The lawyer gets a smug look on his face and replies, “Yes.”

St. Peter turns to the angel next to him and says, “Give this guy 15 cents and tell him to go to hell.”

2

Joke of the day – Dog’s letter to heaven

cute_dog_letter_clipart

Dear God,

When we get to Heaven,
can we sit on your couch?
Or is it the same old story?

Love,
Rover

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Joke of the day – The zookeeper

zookeeper clipart

The zookeeper neeeded to purchase some new animals, so he started composing a letter:

“To whom it may concern, I need two mongeese.” That doesn’t look right. Too bad I don’t have a dictionary, thought the zookeeper.

So he started over: “To whom it may concern, I need two mongooses.” That doesn’t look right either, he thought.

Finally he go an idea: “To whom it may concern, I need a mongoose. And while you’re at it, make it two.

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Joke of the day – My dog is smarter

Happy Hound Dog Fetching a Newspaper Clipart Graphic Illustration

1st dog owner: “My dog is so smart that every morning he waits for the paper boy to come round. He tips the kid and then brings the newspaper to me, along with my morning coffee.

2nd dog owner: “I know.

1st dog owner: “How do you know?

2nd dog owner: “My dog told me.

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Joke of the day – What’s in a name?

HelloMyNameIs2_1024

The Beckhams named their daughter, Harper Seven.
Did it ever cross your mind that if they’d juggled
the letters she could’ve been Even Sharper?

Soccer Player

1

Joke of the day – Dream job

Getting paid to sleep would be my dream job!

cute dogs sleeping on the job

Dreaming Penguin

1

Joke of the day – Be more or less specific

judge_clipart

“Young man, where do you work? the judge asked the defendant.

“Here and there,” said the man,

“What do you do for a living?”

“This and that.”

“Take him away,” said the judge.

The man said, “Wait a minute! When will I get out?”

The judge replied, “Sooner or later.”

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Joke of the day – Concise essay

owl_writing_clipart

A university creative writing class was asked to write
a concise essay containing these four elements:
religion, royalty, sex and mystery.

The prize-winning essay read:
“My God,” said the Queen. “I’m pregnant. I wonder who did it?”

4

Joke of the day – Grandma knows best

grandma_clipart

An elderly grandmother was giving her grandson directions to her apartment.

Grandma: “I am in apartment 4012. There is a big panel at the front door.
With your elbow, push button 4012. I will buzz you in.

Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 4.

When you get out, I’m on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell.”

Grandson: “Grandma, that sounds easy. But, why am I hitting all these buttons
with my elbow?

Grandma: “What……You coming empty handed?”

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Joke of the day – Law student

student_clipart

What do you call a law student who tries to sue himself?

Self tort.