“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.”
― Oscar Wilde
Author Archives: Newbloggycat
Joke of the day – Pick three hymns
One Sunday a pastor asked his congregation to consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns.
After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had contributed a $1,000 bill. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation, and said he’d like to personally thank the person who had placed the money in the plate.
A very quiet, elderly, saintly widow shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and asked her to pick out three hymns.
Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three most handsome men in the building and said, “I’ll take him, him, and him.”
Quote of the day – James Baldwin
“Not everything that is faced can be changed. But nothing can be changed until it is faced.”
– James Baldwin
Happiness is …
…relax and enjoy the slow ride!
Joke of the day – The two hunters
Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too. “Hey, I don’t want to tell you how to do something … but I can tell you that it’s much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won’t dig into the ground.”
After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it. A little while later one hunter said to the other, “You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!” “Yeah, but we’re getting farther from the truck,” the other added.
Quote of the day – Lao Tzu
“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
― Lao Tzu
Joke of the day – Free drinks
The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, “What’ll you have?” The guy answers, “A scotch, please.”
The bartender hands him the drink, and says, “That’ll be five dollars,” to which the guy replies, “What are you talking about? I don’t owe you anything for this.”
A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, “You know, he’s got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration.”
The bartender was not impressed, but says to the guy, “Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don’t ever let me catch you in here again.”
The next day, same guy walks into the bar. Bartender says, “What the heck are you doing in here? I can’t believe you’ve got the audacity to come back!”
The guy says, “What are you talking about? I’ve never been in this place in my life!” The bartender replies, “I’m very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double.”
To which the guy replies, “Thank you. Make it a scotch.”.
Quote of the day – Helen Keller
“I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light.”
― Helen Keller
Quote of the day – Terry Pratchett
“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.”
― Terry Pratchett
Happiness is …
…speak no evil, see no evil, hear no evil and do no evil!
