Two foolish guys went hunting for a bear. Along the way they saw a sign “Bear left,” so they went home.
Tag Archives: animal jokes
Joke of the day – Alligator shoes
Customer: “Do you have alligator shoes?”
Clerk: “Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?”
Joke of the day – Snake in a bar
A snake slithers into a bar and the bartender says, ‘Sorry, buddy. I can’t serve you.’
‘Why not?’ the snake asks.
‘Because you can’t hold your liquor.’
Joke of the day – Baby camel
A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, “Mom, why have I got these huge three-toe feet?” The mother replies, “Well son, when we trek across the desert your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand.” “OK,” said the son.
A few minutes later the son asks, “Mom, why have I got these great long eyelashes?” “They are there to keep the sand out of your eyes on the trips through the desert.” “Thanks Mom,” replies the son.
After a short while, the son returns and asks, “Mom, why have I got these great big humps on my back??” The mother, now a little impatient with the boy replies, “They are there to help us store water for our long treks across the desert, so we can go without drinking for long periods.”
“That’s great Mom, so we have huge feet to stop us sinking, and long eyelashes to keep the sand from our eyes and these humps to store water, but Mom…” “Yes, son?” “Why are we in San Diego zoo?”
Joke of the day – Cat Presidents
How many cats have been elected President of the United States?
Thomeows Jefferson
Grow-fur Cleveland
James Meowonroe
Hairy S. Truman
Jimmy Catter
Dwight D. Eisenmeower
And, of course – James A. Garfield!
Joke of the day – Beware of dog
Upon entering a little country store, a stranger noticed a warning sign that read: “Danger! Beware of dog!” posted on the door. Inside, he noticed a harmless little dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register.
“Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?” he asked the owner. “Yep, that’s him,” came the reply.
The stranger couldn’t help but be amused. “That certainly doesn’t look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?”
“Because,” the owner explained, “Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.”
Joke of the day – Free advice
A rancher asked a veterinarian for some free advice. “I have a horse that walks normally sometimes, and sometimes he limps. What shall I do?”
The veterinarian replied, “The next time he walks normally, sell him.”
Joke of the day – The fluffy bunny
After a long day at the office, Jack came home to find his dog with the neighbor’s pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit was obviously dead. Jack panicked! “If my neighbors find out my dog killed their bunny, they’ll hate me forever,” he thought.
So he took the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house, gave it a bath and blow-dried its fur. Jack knew his neighbors kept their backdoor open during the summer, so he sneaked inside and put the bunny back into the cage, hoping his neighbors would think it died of natural causes.
A couple of days later Jack and his neighbor saw each other outside. “Did you know that Fluffy died?” the neighbor asked. “Oh! Uhmm… I’m so sorry to hear that. What happened?” Jack mumbled.
The neighbor replied, “We just found him dead in his cage one day. But the strange thing is that the day after we buried him, we went out to dinner and someone must have dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage!”
Joke of the day – The zoo
“Went to the zoo. There was only one dog in it. It was a shihtzu.”
Joke of the day – The sleepy dog
One afternoon, I was in the backyard hanging the laundry when an old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard.
I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. But when I walked into the house, he followed me, sauntered down the hall and fell asleep in a corner. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back. He resumed his position in the hallway and slept for an hour.
This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: “Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.”
The next day he arrived with a response pinned to his collar: “We have ten children – he’s trying to catch up on his sleep.”
New Bloggy Cat [NBC] 