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Joke of the day – Grate

It sounds cheesy…

but I feel great!

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Joke of the day – Monday blues

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Dear Monday, I want to break up. I am seeing Tuesday and dreaming about Friday. Sorry, it’s not me β€” it’s you!

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Joke of the day – Cat in a bag

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Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.

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Joke of the day – Pizza Delivery

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We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

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Joke of the day – Lobster

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Diner: You call this creamed lobster your special? I can find neither cream or lobster in it.

Waiter: Yes sir. That’s what makes it special.

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Joke of the day – Christmas gifts

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Bernie and his mates were out at the local pub for a drink.

They were discussing Christmas and exchanging their individual experiences of the festive occasion.

Then the conversation moved along to Christmas gifts and what they are giving to their nearest and dearest. Soon it was Bernie’s turn.

“What did you get for Christmas, Bernie?”

“I bought myself one of those I-phones” he replied. “They’re brilliant. You can do internet and movies and photographs and just about anything.”

“Then for my daughter I bought an I-pad. They’re better than books you know”.

“…..and I got my son an I-pod for his music.”

“What did you get for your wife then Bernie? asked his best mate. “Something special?”

“Well, I got her one of those Irons.”

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Joke of the day – The shopping criminal

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It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner,“What are you charged with?”

“Doing my Christmas shopping early”, replied the defendant.

“That’s no offense”, said the judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?”

“Before the store opened.”

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Joke of the day – New shampoo

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Have you heard about the new shampoo for men who are going bald…

It’s called “What’s the Point?”

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Joke of the day – Call 911

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A lady fainted and the husband calls 911.

The operator asks, “Where are you at”?

The husband replies, “I’m on Eucolipstic Road.”

The operator asks, “Can you spell that for me?”

“Well… I’ll just drag her over to Oak so you can pick her up there?”

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Joke of the day – Bartender job

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A dog walks into a bar and asks the bartender, β€œDo you have any jobs?” and the bartender says, β€œWhy don’t you try the circus?” The dog replies, β€œWhy would the circus need a bartender?”