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Tag Archives: good clean jokes
Joke of the day – Word recognition
Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy,
it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a
wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht
teh frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae.
The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll
raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we
do not raed ervey lteter by istlef but the
wrod as a wlohe.
~ Johnathan Powell
Joke of the day – Rolex and Timex
Felly adopts two dogs, and she names them Rolex and Timex.
Molly: “Where’d you come up with those names?”
Felly: “HellOOOOO……they’re watchdogs!”
Joke of the day – Black and stripes
A woman brought her two cats to the veterinary clinic for their annual checkup.
One was a small framed, round tiger striped tabby, while the other was a long, shiny black cat.
She watched closely as the vet put each cat on the scale.
Vet: “They weigh about the same.”
Woman: “Well…that proves it. Black does make you look slimmer. And stripes make you look fat.”
Joke of the day – Medical Terminology
Medical terminology for the layman:
Artery: The study of fine paintings.
Barium: What you do when CPR fails.
Cesarean Section: A district in Rome.
Colic: A sheep dog.
Coma: A punctuation mark.
Congenital: Friendly.
Dilate: To live long.
Fester: Quicker.
GI Series: Baseball game between teams of soldiers.
Hangnail: A coat hook.
Medical staff: A doctor’s cane.
Minor operation: Coal digging.
Morbid: A higher offer.
Nitrate: Lower than the day rate.
Node: Was aware of.
Organic: Church musician.
Outpatient: Person who has fainted.
Post-operative: A letter carrier.
Protein: In favor of young people.
Secretion: Hiding anything.
Serology: Study of English knighthood.
Tablet: A small table.
Tumor: An extra pair.
Urine: Opposite of you’re out.
Varicose veins: Veins which are very close together.
Benign: What you be after you be eight.
Joke of the day – Sit and do nothing
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing?”
The eagle answered, “Sure , why not.”
So the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Joke of the day – The pathetic lawyer
The lawyer is standing at the gate to Heaven and St. Peter is listing his sins:
1) Defending a large corporation in a pollution suit where he knew it was guilty.
2).Prosecuting an innocent woman because a scapegoat was needed in a controversial case.
3) Defending an obviously guilty murderer because the fee was high.
4) Overcharging fees to many clients.
And the list went on for quite awhile.
The lawyer objects and begins to argue his case. He admits all these things, but argues, “Wait, I’ve done some charity in my life also.” St. Peter looks in his book and says,“Yes, I see. Once you gave a dime to a panhandler and once you gave an extra nickel to the shoeshine boy, correct?”
The lawyer gets a smug look on his face and replies, “Yes.”
St. Peter turns to the angel next to him and says, “Give this guy 15 cents and tell him to go to hell.”
Joke of the day – Dog’s letter to heaven
Dear God,
When we get to Heaven,
can we sit on your couch?
Or is it the same old story?
Love,
Rover
Joke of the day – The zookeeper
The zookeeper neeeded to purchase some new animals, so he started composing a letter:
“To whom it may concern, I need two mongeese.” That doesn’t look right. Too bad I don’t have a dictionary, thought the zookeeper.
So he started over: “To whom it may concern, I need two mongooses.” That doesn’t look right either, he thought.
Finally he go an idea: “To whom it may concern, I need a mongoose. And while you’re at it, make it two.
Joke of the day – What’s in a name?
The Beckhams named their daughter, Harper Seven.
Did it ever cross your mind that if they’d juggled
the letters she could’ve been Even Sharper?
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