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Joke of the day – Milk before bed

Here’s a simple reason why drinking milk before bedtime is bad for you.

“You drink milk.”

“You toss and turn in our sleep, the milk is turned to butter,

the butter turns to fat,

fat turns to alchohol,

and you wake up with a hangover!

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Joke of the day – Black and stripes

cute_black_and_tabby_cat

A woman brought her two cats to the veterinary clinic for their annual checkup.

One was a small framed, round tiger striped tabby, while the other was a long, shiny black cat.

She watched closely as the vet put each cat on the scale.

Vet: “They weigh about the same.”

Woman: “Well…that proves it. Black does make you look slimmer. And stripes make you look fat.”

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Joke of the day – Big steak

images_funny_pig_chef_big_steak

An overweight lady had an enormous steak on her plate. Her husband took one look at it and said, ‘Surely you are not going to eat that alone?”

“Of course not. I’ve just ordered some potatoes.”

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Joke of the day – Don’t talk to the parrot

image_funny_parrot

Randy the dishwasher repairman was given specific instructions concerning the woman’s two pets. “The Rottweiler won’t hurt you, even though it looks fierce, but whatever you do, don’t talk to the parrot.”

Randy let himself in and set to work, and the dog just lay quietly on the carpet. But the parrot mocked him mercilessly the whole time.

“Wow, you’re pretty fat,” the bird would say. “Hey, fatso, you couldn’t change the batteries in a flashlight, let alone fix a dishwasher.”

Before long, Randy had had enough. “You know, bird, you think you’re pretty smart for someone with a brain the size of a pea.”

The parrot was silent for a moment, and then, with a gleam in its eye, said, “All right. Get him, Spike.”

– Terry Boas