If people actually looked like what they look like in their passport photos very few countries will let them in.
Tag Archives: good clean jokes
Joke of the day – Penguin
A penguin is driving through Arizona when he notices that the oil-pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.
After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot.
He gets a big bowl of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little flippers.
After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he has found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says, βIt looks like you blew a seal.β
βNo, no,β the penguin replies, βitβs just ice cream.β
Joke of the day – Job interview
A businessman was interviewing applicants for the position of divisional manager. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable person for the job. He asked each applicant the question, “What is two and two?”
The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was “Twenty-two.” The second was a social worker. She said, “I don’t know the answer but I’m glad we had time to discuss this important question.” The third applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a slide rule and showed the answer to be between 3.999 and 4.001.
The last applicant was an accountant. The business man asked him, “How much is two and two?” The accountant got up from his chair, went over to the door and closed it, then came back and sat down. He leaned across the desk and said in a low voice, “How much do you want it to be?” He got the job.
Joke of the day – Dentist
A sign posted in a Dentist’s office said:
“Please be nice to our dentists. They have fillings too.”
Joke of the day – The prisoner
A prisoner escaped by digging a hole from the jail cell to the outside world. When his work was finally done, he emerged in the middle of a preschool playground. “I’m free, I’m free!” he shouted.
“So what,” said a little girl. “I’m four.”
Joke of the day – A reward
An elderly lady lost her handbag in the bustle of Christmas shopping. It was found by an honest little boy who returned it to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, “That’s funny. When I lost my bag there was a $100 bill in it. Now there are 100, $1 bills.” The boy quickly replied, “That’s right, lady. The last time I found a lady’s purse, she didn’t have any change for a reward.”
Joke of the day – The artist
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any recent interest in his paintings which happened to be on display.
“I have good news and bad news,” the gallery owner replied. “The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death.”
“What did you say?” questioned the artist.
“When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.”
“That’s wonderful!” the artist exclaimed. “What’s the bad news?”
“The gentleman was your doctor.”
Joke of the day – Luck
Dear Luck, can we be friends in 2014, please?
Joke of the day – Cat’s Resolutions
5. I will not demand to get out the minute after I come in and vice versa.
4. I will not scratch wallpaper, curtains, furniture, clothing or my scratch pad.
3. I will not annoy the dog next door (unless Iβm in a bad mood)
2. I will come when my human calls me (occasionally)
and the Number One New Year’s Resolution for 2014 is…
1. I will not sleep more than 23 hours per day.
Joke of the day – Buffet dinner
Gilbert grabbed his plate and walked up to the buffet for the 5th time.
“Aren’t you embarrassed to go for so many helpings?” asked the wife.
“Not a bit,” Gilbert replied, “I keep telling them it’s for you.”
New Bloggy Cat [NBC] 