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Joke of the day – Two lines in heaven

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When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared and said, “I want the men to make two lines: one line for the men who were true heads of their household and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter.”

With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man.

God got mad and said, “You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?”

And the man replied, “I don’t know, my wife told me to stand here.”

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Quote of the day – Saint Augustine

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“It was pride that changed angels into devils; it is humility that makes men as angels.”

– Saint Augustine

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Joke of the day – Quiet as a mouse

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Whoever coined the phrase “Quiet as a mouse” has never stepped on one.

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Quote of the day – Lynne Namka

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“Integrity is the ability to accept one’s past choices and actions and go forth and act in accordance with one’s deepest values from within.”

– Lynne Namka

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Joke of the day – Sleepwalking nun

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What do you call a sleepwalking nun?

A roamin’ Catholic.

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Joke of the day – The chauffeur

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A famous scientist was on his way to yet another lecture when his chauffeur suggested an idea. “Hey, boss,” he said. “I’ve heard your speech so many times, I bet I could deliver it and give you the night off.”

“Sounds great,” the scientist said.

When they got to the auditorium, the scientist put on the chauffeur’s hat and settled into the back row. The chauffeur walked to the lectern and delivered the speech. Afterward he asked if there were any questions.

“Yes,” said one professor. Then he launched into a highly technical question.

The chauffeur was panic-stricken for a moment, but quickly recovered. “That’s an easy one,” he replied. “It’s so easy, I’m going to let my chauffeur answer it.”

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Quote of the day – Mark Twain

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“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sail. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

– Mark Twain

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Quote of the day – Kenji Miyazawa

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“We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.”

– Kenji Miyazawa