Joke of the day – Voice mail from God

July 23, 2013 | Newbloggycat

We have all learned to live with voice mail as a necessary part of modern life. But you may have wondered, “What if God decided to install voice mail?” Imagine praying and hearing this…

Thank you for calling My Father’s House.
Please select one of the following options:

Press 1 for request
Press 2 for thanksgiving
Press 3 for complaints
Press 4 for all other inquiries

What if God used the familiar excuse, “All the angels are helping other customers right now. Please stay on the line. You call will be answered in the order it was received.

Can you imagine getting these kinds of response as you call on God in prayer?

If you would like to speak to Gabriel, press 1 now
If you would like to speak to Michael, press 2 now
For a directory of other angels, press 3 now
If you would like to hear King David sing a Psalm while you’re holding,
press 4 now

To find out if a loved one has been assigned to heaven, enter his or her social security number now.

For reservations at My Father’s House, press the letters J-O-H-N and then 3-1-6.

For answers on nagging questions about the age of earth and where Noah’s Ark is, please wait until you arrive here.

Our computers show that you have already called once today. Please hang up and try again tomorrow.

This office is closed for the weekend. Please call again on Monday after 9:00 a.m.

Quote of the day – William Shakespeare

July 23, 2013 | Newbloggycat

“Better three hours too soon than a minute too late.”

– William Shakespeare

Joke of the day – The photographer

July 22, 2013 | Newbloggycat

A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a great forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane.
“It will be waiting for you at the airport!” he was assured by his editor. As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, “Let’s go! Let’s go!” The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air.

“Fly over the north side of the fire,” said the photographer, “and make three or four low level passes.”
“Why?” asked the pilot.
“Because I’m going to take pictures! I’m a photographer, and photographers take pictures!” said the photographer with great exasperation.
After a long pause the pilot said, “You mean you’re not the instructor?”

Quote of the day – Thomas Jefferson

July 22, 2013 | Newbloggycat

“The man who reads nothing at all is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.”

― Thomas Jefferson

Joke of the day – The spectacular job

July 21, 2013 | Newbloggycat

One day a man spotted a lamp by the roadside. He picked it up, rubbed it vigorously, and a genie appeared. “I’ll grant you your fondest wish,” the genie said.

The man thought for a moment, then said, “I want a spectacular job — a job that no man has ever succeeded at or has ever attempted to do.”

“Poof!” said the genie. “You’re a housewife.”

Look younger naturally

July 21, 2013 | Newbloggycat

Here’s a simple tip to keep your complexion young:

Use a soft toothbrush, brush the skin on your face in an upward direction. This will stimulate circulation, slough off dead skin cells, tone your muscles and make your face glow.

Quote of the day – Abraham Lincoln

July 21, 2013 | Newbloggycat

“Character is like a tree and reputation its shadow. The shadow is what we think it is and the tree is the real thing.”

― Abraham Lincoln

Happiness is …

July 20, 2013 | Newbloggycat

…wearing a pair of oversize sneakers.

Joke of the day – Adam & Eve

July 20, 2013 | Newbloggycat

The story of Adam and Eve was being carefully explained in the children’s Sunday School class. Following the story, the children were asked to draw some picture that would illustrate the story.

Little Bobby was most interested and drew a picture of a car with three people in it. In the front seat, behind the wheel was a man and in the back seat, a man and a woman.

The teacher was at a loss to understand how this illustrated the lesson of Adam and Eve.

But little Bobby was prompt with his explanation. “Why, this is God driving Adam and Eve out of the garden!”