Author Archives: Newbloggycat

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Joke of the day – Five million dollars

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Joe’s grandfather left him five million dollars, and the next week Jane agreed to marry him.

After three months of married life, Joe noticed that his beautiful new wife was ignoring him more and more.

Whenever they went out in public, she ignored him and flirted with other men. Finally, he decided to confront her.

“Jane,” he said, “was the only reason you married me was because my grandfather left me five million dollars when he died?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” she replied, “I don’t care who gave you the money!”

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Quote of the day – Markus Zusak

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“Sometimes people are beautiful.Not in looks.Not in what they say.Just in what they are.”

― Markus Zusak

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Joke of the day – “Counterfeit”

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English teacher: ‘Jim, give me a sentence with the word “counterfeit” in it.’

Jim: ‘I wasn’t sure if she was a centipede or a millipede, so I had to count her feet.’

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Quote of the day – Michel de Montaigne

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“On the highest throne in the world, we still sit only on our own bottom.”

― Michel de Montaigne

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Joke of the day – Price of worship

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A man and his nine-year-old son were on a fishing trip miles from home. At the boy’s insistence, they decided to attend the Sunday worship service at a small rural church. The father forgot to bring any cash, so he reached in his pocket and gave his son a dime to drop in the offering plate as it was passed.

As they walked back to their car after the service, the father complained. “The service was too long,” he lamented. “The sermon was boring, and the singing was off key.”

Finally the boy said, “Dad, I thought it was pretty good for a dime.”

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Happiness is …

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… a healthy diet!

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Joke of the day – Lesson on evolution

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The teacher was going to explain evolution to the children. The teacher asked a little boy.

TEACHER: Tommy do you see the tree outside?

TOMMY: Yes.

TEACHER: Go outside and look up and see if you can see the sky.

TOMMY: Okay.(He returned a few minutes later) Yes, I saw the sky.

TEACHER: Did you see God?

TOMMY: No.

TEACHER: That’s my point. We can’t see God because he isn’t there! He doesn’t exist.

A little girl spoke up and wanted to ask the boy some questions. The teacher agreed and the little girl asked:

LITTLE GIRL: Tommy, do you see the tree outside?

TOMMY: Yes.

LITTLE GIRL: Did you see the sky?

TOMMY: Yessssss (getting tired of the questions by this time).

LITTLE GIRL: Tommy, do you see the teacher?

TOMMY: Yes

LITTLE GIRL: Do you see her brain?

TOMMY: No

LITTLE GIRL: Then based on what we were taught today, she does not have one!

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Quote of the day – André Gide

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“It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.”

― André Gide

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Joke of the day – Voice mail from God

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We have all learned to live with voice mail as a necessary part of modern life. But you may have wondered, “What if God decided to install voice mail?” Imagine praying and hearing this…

Thank you for calling My Father’s House.
Please select one of the following options:

Press 1 for request
Press 2 for thanksgiving
Press 3 for complaints
Press 4 for all other inquiries

What if God used the familiar excuse, “All the angels are helping other customers right now. Please stay on the line. You call will be answered in the order it was received.

Can you imagine getting these kinds of response as you call on God in prayer?

If you would like to speak to Gabriel, press 1 now
If you would like to speak to Michael, press 2 now
For a directory of other angels, press 3 now
If you would like to hear King David sing a Psalm while you’re holding,
press 4 now

To find out if a loved one has been assigned to heaven, enter his or her social security number now.

For reservations at My Father’s House, press the letters J-O-H-N and then 3-1-6.

For answers on nagging questions about the age of earth and where Noah’s Ark is, please wait until you arrive here.

Our computers show that you have already called once today. Please hang up and try again tomorrow.

This office is closed for the weekend. Please call again on Monday after 9:00 a.m.