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Author Archives: Newbloggycat
Joke of the day – The young lawyer
A young lawyer died and was brought to heaven. Upon arriving the lawyer started protesting that it’s way to early for him to die, for he was only 32 years old, and there must be some mistake. The listening angel agreed that perhaps it was a mistake and agreed to look into it. After a few minutes the angel came back and said “I’m sorry sir but I am afraid there is no mistake, we calculated your age by how many hours you billed your clients, and you are at least 96.”
Quote of the day – A.A. Milne
“Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.”
– A.A. Milne
Joke of the day – What’s in the bags?
A man tries to cross the Mexican border on a bicycle with two big bags balanced on his shoulders. The guard asks, “What’s in the bags?”
The man says, “Sand!”
The guard wants to examine them. The fellow gets off the bike, places the bags on the ground, opens them up, and the guard inspects… only to find sand. The fellow packs the sand, places the bags on his shoulders, and pedals the bike across the border.
Two weeks later, the same situation is repeated…
“What have you there?”
“Sand”
“We want to examine.”
Same results… nothing but sand and the fellow is on his way again.
Every two weeks for six months the inspections continue. Finally, one week the fellow didn’t show up. However, the guard sees him downtown and says to the fellow, “Buddy, you had us crazy. We sort of knew you were smuggling something. I won’t say anything what were you smuggling?”
The fellow says, “Bicycles.”
Quote of the day – Pablo Picasso
“Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.”
― Pablo Picasso
Joke of the day – Walking on water
A priest, an evangelist, and a minister were in a boat in the middle of a pond fishing. None of them had caught anything all morning.
Then the evangelist stands up and says he needs to go to the bathroom so he climbs out of the boat and walks on the water to shore. He comes back ten minutes later the same way.
Then the minister decides he needs to go to the bathroom, too, so he climbs out of the boat and walks on the water to shore. He, too, comes back the same way ten minutes later.
The priest looks at both of them and decides that his faith is just as strong as his fishing buddies and that he can walk on water, too. He stands up and excuses himself. As he steps out, he makes a big splash down into the water.
The evangelist looks at the minister and says,“I suppose we should have told him where the rocks were.”
Quote of the day – Mason Cooley
“Faith moves mountains, but you have to keep pushing while you are praying.”
– Mason Cooley
Joke of the day – Five million dollars
Joe’s grandfather left him five million dollars, and the next week Jane agreed to marry him.
After three months of married life, Joe noticed that his beautiful new wife was ignoring him more and more.
Whenever they went out in public, she ignored him and flirted with other men. Finally, he decided to confront her.
“Jane,” he said, “was the only reason you married me was because my grandfather left me five million dollars when he died?”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” she replied, “I don’t care who gave you the money!”
Quote of the day – Markus Zusak
“Sometimes people are beautiful.Not in looks.Not in what they say.Just in what they are.”
― Markus Zusak
Joke of the day – “Counterfeit”
English teacher: ‘Jim, give me a sentence with the word “counterfeit” in it.’
Jim: ‘I wasn’t sure if she was a centipede or a millipede, so I had to count her feet.’
New Bloggy Cat [NBC] 