Two friends were discussion the family histories when one of them lamented that he knew precious little about his roots. “I’ve always wanted to have my family history traced,” he said, “but I can’t afford to hire someone. Any suggestions?”
“Sure,” replied his friend. “Run for public office,”
“Do what you feel in your heart to be right – for you’ll be criticized anyway. You’ll be damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
A redhead, brunette and blonde were on their way to Heaven.
God told them the stairway to Heaven was 1000 steps, and on every 5th step He’d tell them a joke. But, they must not laugh or else they couldn’t enter heaven.
The brunette went first and started laughing on the 65th step, so she could not enter Heaven.
The redhead went next and started laughing on the 320th step, so she could not enter Heaven either.
Then, it was the blonde’s turn. When she got to the 999th step, she started laughing.
“Why are you laughing?” God asked. “I didn’t tell a joke.”
“I know,” the blonde replied. “I just got the first one.”
“People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care” ― John C. Maxwell
A little boy wanted 100 dollars badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the money. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, they decided to send it to the President
The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a 10 dollar bill. The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
The little boy was delighted with the money and sat down to write a thank-you note to the Lord, which read:
Dear Lord, Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington, and as usual, those jerks deducted 90%. Love, Tommy
…a warm greeting!
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” ― Charles Schulz
A group of tourists were on a safari in the jungles of a little-explored faraway country when they were captured by cannibals.
“Oh, yes!” the chief of the tribe exclaimed.
“We’re going to put all of you into big pots of water, cook you and eat you!”
“You can’t do that to me,” a member of the tour said, “I’m the editor of a big newspaper.”
“Well,” the chief responded. “Tonight, you will be editor-in-chief.”
“There are three types of lies — lies, damn lies, and statistics.” ― Benjamin Disraeli
An American visiting England walked into a hotel lobby and pushed a button for elevator service. “The lift will be down presently,” said a nearby clerk.
“The lift?”, said the American. “Oh, you mean the elevator.”
“No, I mean the lift, replied the Englishman, annoyed by the American’s arrogance.
“I think I should know what it’s called,” said the American. “After all, elevators were invented in the United States.”
“Perhaps,” retorted the Englishman. “But the language was invented here.”
New Bloggy Cat [NBC] 