“Never too old, never too bad, never too late, never too sick to start from scratch once again.” – Bikram Choudhury.
Author Archives: Newbloggycat
Joke of the day – Computer dating service
A young lady visited a computer dating service and requested, “I’m looking for a spouse. Can you please help me to find a suitable one?”
The matchmaker said, “What exactly are you looking for?”
“Well, let me see. Needs to be good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good at singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour if I don’t go out. Be able to tell me interesting stories when I need a companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest.”
The matchmaker entered the information into the computer and, in a matter of moments, handed the results to the woman.
The results read, “Buy a television.”
Quote of the day – Maria Edgeworth
“If we take care of the moments, the years will take care of themselves.” – Maria Edgeworth
Joke of the day – The nun
A nun who works for a local home health care agency was out making her rounds when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it there was a station just down the street. She walked to the station to borrow a can with enough gas to start the car and drive to the station for a fill up.
The attendant regretfully told her that the only can he owned had just been loaned out, but if she would care to wait he was sure it would be back shortly.
Since the nun was on the way to see a patient she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. After looking through her car for something to carry to the station to fill with gas, she spotted a bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, she carried it to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried it back to her car.
As she was pouring the gas into the tank of her car two men walked by. One of them turned to the other and said: “Now that is what I call faith!”
You can always …
… find hope in a dog’s eyes.
Quote of the day – Mark Twain
“Writing is easy. All you have to do is cross out the wrong words.” – Mark Twain
Happiness is …
…a group hug!
Joke of the day – The lucky saucer
A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a double take.
He knows that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.
The store owner replies, “I’m sorry, but the cat isn’t for sale.
The collector says, “Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I’ll pay you twenty dollars for that cat.” And the owner says “Sold,” and hands over the cat.
The collector continues, “Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat’s used to it and it’ll save me from having to get a dish.”
To which the owner says, “Sorry buddy, but that’s my lucky saucer. So far this week I’ve sold sixty-eight cats.”
Quote of the day – Cavett Robert
“Three billion people on the face of the earth go to bed hungry every night, but four billion people go to bed every night hungry for a simple word of encouragement and recognition” – Cavett Robert
Joke of the day – Future mother-in-law
A handsome young man had just become engaged and met his fiance’s mother for the first time. “How old do you think I am? she asked the lad.
“Well,” he said after a moment’s thought, “I am wondering whether to make you ten years younger to fit with your looks and figure, or ten years older on account of your wise intelligence.”
New Bloggy Cat [NBC] 