Joke of the day – Valentine gift

February 13, 2015 | Newbloggycat

Howard, 18 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day, at a very smart jeweller’s shop in Hatton Garden, London.

The jeweller inquired, ‘Would you like your girlfriend’s name engraved on it?’

Howard thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, ‘No, instead engrave ‘To my one and only love’.’

The jeweller smiled and said, ‘Yes, sir, how very romantic of you.’

Howard retorted with a glint in his eye, ‘Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again.’

Joke of the day – Word recognition

February 9, 2015 | Newbloggycat

Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy,
it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a
wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht
teh frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae.
The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll
raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we
do not raed ervey lteter by istlef but the
wrod as a wlohe.

~ Johnathan Powell

Joke of the day – Medical Terminology

February 3, 2015 | Newbloggycat

Medical terminology for the layman:

Artery: The study of fine paintings.
Barium: What you do when CPR fails.
Cesarean Section: A district in Rome.
Colic: A sheep dog.
Coma: A punctuation mark.
Congenital: Friendly.
Dilate: To live long.
Fester: Quicker.
GI Series: Baseball game between teams of soldiers.
Hangnail: A coat hook.
Medical staff: A doctor’s cane.
Minor operation: Coal digging.
Morbid: A higher offer.
Nitrate: Lower than the day rate.
Node: Was aware of.
Organic: Church musician.
Outpatient: Person who has fainted.
Post-operative: A letter carrier.
Protein: In favor of young people.
Secretion: Hiding anything.
Serology: Study of English knighthood.
Tablet: A small table.
Tumor: An extra pair.
Urine: Opposite of you’re out.
Varicose veins: Veins which are very close together.
Benign: What you be after you be eight.

Joke of the day – Dog’s letter to heaven

January 22, 2015 | Newbloggycat

Dear God,

When we get to Heaven,
can we sit on your couch?
Or is it the same old story?

Love,
Rover

Joke of the day – The zookeeper

January 20, 2015 | Newbloggycat

The zookeeper neeeded to purchase some new animals, so he started composing a letter:

“To whom it may concern, I need two mongeese.” That doesn’t look right. Too bad I don’t have a dictionary, thought the zookeeper.

So he started over: “To whom it may concern, I need two mongooses.” That doesn’t look right either, he thought.

Finally he go an idea: “To whom it may concern, I need a mongoose. And while you’re at it, make it two.

Joke of the day – My dog is smarter

January 19, 2015 | Newbloggycat

1st dog owner: “My dog is so smart that every morning he waits for the paper boy to come round. He tips the kid and then brings the newspaper to me, along with my morning coffee.”

2nd dog owner: “I know.”

1st dog owner: “How do you know?”

2nd dog owner: “My dog told me.”