Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations s/he keeps cranking out.

Dictionary of Evaluation Comments:

ACTIVE SOCIALLY: Drinks heavily.

A KEEN ANALYST: Thoroughly confused.

ALERT TO COMPANY DEVELOPMENTS: An office gossip.

APPROACHES DIFFICULT PROBLEMS WITH LOGIC: Finds someone else to do the job.

AVERAGE: Not too bright.

CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH: Still one step ahead of the law.

COMPETENT: Still able to get work done if supervisor helps.

CONSCIENTIOUS AND CAREFUL: Scared.

CONSULTS WITH SUPERVISOR OFTEN: Annoying.

DEMONSTRATES QUALITIES OF LEADERSHIP: Has a loud voice.

DESERVES PROMOTION: Create new title to make him or her feel appreciated.

ENJOYS JOB: Needs more to do.

EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED: Has committed no major blunders to date.

EXPRESSES SELF WELL: Can string two sentences together.

HAPPY: Overpaid.

INDIFFERENT TO INSTRUCTION: Knows more than superiors.

IS UNUSUALLY LOYAL: Wanted by no-one else.

JUDGEMENT IS USUALLY SOUND: Lucky.

KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR: Knows lots of dirty jokes.

MAINTAINS PROFESSIONAL ATTITUDE: A snob.

METICULOUS IN ATTENTION TO DETAIL: A nitpicker.

NOT A DESK PERSON: Did not go to college.

OF GREAT VALUE TO THE ORGANIZATION: Turns in work on time.

QUICK THINKING: Offers plausible excuses for errors.

SLIGHTLY BELOW AVERAGE: Stupid.

SPENDS EXTRA HOURS ON THE JOB: Miserable home life.

STERN DISCIPLINARIAN: A real jerk.

STRONG ADHERENCE TO PRINCIPLES: Stubborn.

TACTFUL IN DEALING WITH SUPERIORS: Knows when to keep mouth shut.

TAKES ADVANTAGE OF EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO PROGRESS: Buys drinks for superiors.

UNLIMITED POTENTIAL: Will stick with us until retirement.

USES RESOURCES WELL: Delegates everything.

VERY CREATIVE: Finds 22 reasons to do anything except original work.

ZEALOUS ATTITUDE: Opinionated.

TAKES PRIDE IN WORK: Conceited.

REQUIRES WORK-VALUE ATTITUDINAL READJUSTMENT: Lazy and hard-headed.

HARD WORKER: Usually does it the hard way.