Joke of the day – Luck

January 1, 2014 | Newbloggycat

Dear Luck, can we be friends in 2014, please?

Joke of the day – Cat’s Resolutions

December 31, 2013 | Newbloggycat

5. I will not demand to get out the minute after I come in and vice versa.

4. I will not scratch wallpaper, curtains, furniture, clothing or my scratch pad.

3. I will not annoy the dog next door (unless I’m in a bad mood)

2. I will come when my human calls me (occasionally)

and the Number One New Year’s Resolution for 2014 is…

1. I will not sleep more than 23 hours per day.

Joke of the day – Buffet dinner

December 30, 2013 | Newbloggycat

Gilbert grabbed his plate and walked up to the buffet for the 5th time.

“Aren’t you embarrassed to go for so many helpings?” asked the wife.

“Not a bit,” Gilbert replied, “I keep telling them it’s for you.”

Joke of the day – Lobster

December 28, 2013 | Newbloggycat

Diner: You call this creamed lobster your special? I can find neither cream or lobster in it.

Waiter: Yes sir. That’s what makes it special.

Joke of the day – Christmas gifts

December 23, 2013 | Newbloggycat

Bernie and his mates were out at the local pub for a drink.

They were discussing Christmas and exchanging their individual experiences of the festive occasion.

Then the conversation moved along to Christmas gifts and what they are giving to their nearest and dearest. Soon it was Bernie’s turn.

“What did you get for Christmas, Bernie?”

“I bought myself one of those I-phones” he replied. “They’re brilliant. You can do internet and movies and photographs and just about anything.”

“Then for my daughter I bought an I-pad. They’re better than books you know”.

“…..and I got my son an I-pod for his music.”

“What did you get for your wife then Bernie? asked his best mate. “Something special?”

“Well, I got her one of those Irons.”

Joke of the day – Dogs rules for Christmas

December 21, 2013 | Newbloggycat

1. Be especially patient with your humans during this time. They may appear to be more stressed-out than usual and they will appreciate long comforting dog leans.

2. They may come home with large bags of things they call gifts. Do not assume that all the gifts are yours.

3. Be tolerant if your humans put decorations on you. They seem to get some special kind of pleasure out of seeing how you look with fake antlers.

4. They may bring a large tree into the house and set it up in a prominent place and cover it with lights and decorations. Bizarre as this may seem to you, it is an important ritual for your humans, so there are some things you need to know:

a. Don’t pee on the tree.

b. Don’t drink water in the container that holds the tree.

c. Mind your tail when you are near the tree.

d. If there are packages under the tree, even ones that smell interesting or that have your name on them, don’t rip them open.

e. Don’t chew on the cord that runs from the funny-looking hole in the wall to the tree.

5. Your humans may occasionally invite lots of strangers to come visit during this season. These parties can be lots of fun, but they also call for some discretion on your part:

a. Not all strangers appreciate kisses and leans.

b. Don’t eat off the buffet table.

c. Beg for goodies subtly.

d. Be pleasant, even if unknowing strangers sit on your sofa.

e. Don’t drink out of glasses that are left within your reach.

6. Likewise, your humans may take you visiting. Here your manners will also be important:

a.Observe all the rules in #4 for trees that may be in other people’s houses. (4a is particularly important)

b. Respect the territory of other animals that may live in the house.

c. Tolerate children.

d. Turn on your charm big time.

7. A big man with a white beard and a very loud laugh may emerge from your fireplace in the middle of the night. DON’T BITE HIM!!