A little boy asked his grandma how old she was.
“39 and holding,” she replied.
“Well, then, how old would you be if you let go?”
Tag Archives: humor
Joke of the day – Starbucks
“When I went to Starbucks for coffee they lied. It wasn’t Starbucks, it was four bucks!”
Joke of the day – Personal Ad
The following personal ad evidently received numerous enthusiastic responses:
SINGLE BLONDE FEMALE
Looking for a willing partner, any sex or ethnicity. I’m a gorgeous, fun-loving girl who lives to play and make you happy. Let’s go for a romp in the woods or a picnic in the park. Let’s cruise in your convertible with the top down and then go skinny-dipping. I love the outdoors in any weather, and winter nights cuddled up on the sofa. Good food is a total turn on. Stroke me and see how I respond. I’ll be waiting whenever you come home, with nothing but bells on.
Call 555-6633 and ask for Pixie.
Callers found themselves talking to the local animal shelter about a golden retriever puppy.
Joke of the day – Lesson on whales
A teacher asked her class what they knew about whales. One little girl spoke up and said that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
The teacher smiled and said she didn’t think that was very likely, because even though whales can be big, their throats are not big enough to swallow a man. But the little girl was adamant, and maintained that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
The teacher was getting impatient, and reiterated that this was physically unlikely. But the girl was unmoved, and said that when she got to heaven, she would ask Jonah.
“But what if Jonah went to hell?” the teacher asked.
The girl replied, “Then you ask him.”
Happiness is …
…a nice family portrait!
Jokes of the day – Bulldog
The mother was furious. “Sam!” – she yelled. “Why are you making such awful faces at your bulldog?”
“Well, Mom, he started it!”
Jokes of the day – Relatives
Wife – You hate my relatives!
Husband – No, I don’t! In fact, I like your mother-in-law more than I like mine.
Joke of the day – One kiss per yard
Walking up to a department store’s fabric counter, the pretty girl said, “I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?” “Only one kiss per yard,” replied the male clerk with a smirk. “That’s fine,” said the girl. “I’ll take ten yards.” With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, then teasingly held it out.
The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old geezer standing beside her, and smiled, “Grandpa will pay the bill.”
Joke of the day – Pick three hymns
One Sunday a pastor asked his congregation to consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns.
After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had contributed a $1,000 bill. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation, and said he’d like to personally thank the person who had placed the money in the plate.
A very quiet, elderly, saintly widow shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and asked her to pick out three hymns.
Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three most handsome men in the building and said, “I’ll take him, him, and him.”
Happiness is …
…relax and enjoy the slow ride!
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