What did one candle say to the other?
I’ll be going out tonight.
Tag Archives: humour
Joke of the day – Octopus
How does an octopus go into battle?
Well armed!
Joke of the day – Power puff
A businesswoman explained to her doctor that she was always breaking wind at board meetings, during interviews, in lifts and on the tram. It was impossible to control.
Businesswoman: “But at least I am fortunate in two aspects – they neither smell nor make a noise. In fact, you’ll be surprised to know it’s happened twice since I’ve been talking to you, Doc.”
Doctor: (Scribbled a prescription and handed it to her)
Businesswoman: “What? Nasal drops?
Doctor: “Yes, we’ll fix your nose first and then we’ll have a go on your hearing.”
Joke of the day – Misalter
I bought a packet of Epsom salt from the pharmacy.
I poured the salt into an empty plastic container.
And I asked my 9-year old to write “Epsom Salt” on the container with a black marker.
This is what she wrote:
Joke of the day – Seagulls for sale
A psychiatrist on holiday became fascinated with a simpleton who had set up a sign on the beach which stated “Seagulls for sale.“
Psychiatrist: “How much are the seagulls?”
Simpleton” “Only a fiver each.”
Psychiatrist: “Okay, I’ll buy one.”
Simpleton: (Took the note and pointing skywards) “That’s your one, up there!”
Quote of the day – Arnold Palmer
“The most rewarding things you do in life are often the ones that look like they cannot be done.”
– Arnold Palmer (1929 – 2016)
Joke of the day – Goldfish
Two goldfish in a bowl talking:
Goldfish 1: “Do you believe in God?”
Goldfish 2: “Of course, I do! Who do you think changes the water?”
Joke of the day – Adamant
Teacher: “What is the meaning of adamant?”
Student: “The very first ant.”
Joke of the day – Toilet roll
Joke of the day – Chrysanthemum
Timmy: “That’s a beautiful bunch of roses. Who is it for?
Johnny: “Oh, it’s for my girlfriend. But, they’re Chrysanthemums.”
Timmy: “They look like roses to me.”
Johnny: “No, you’re wrong. They’re Chrysanthemums.”
Timmy: “Spell it!”
Johnny: “K-r-i-s…..Oh, my! These are roses alright!.”
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