Joke of the day – Valentine gift

February 13, 2015 | Newbloggycat

Howard, 18 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day, at a very smart jeweller’s shop in Hatton Garden, London.

The jeweller inquired, ‘Would you like your girlfriend’s name engraved on it?’

Howard thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, ‘No, instead engrave ‘To my one and only love’.’

The jeweller smiled and said, ‘Yes, sir, how very romantic of you.’

Howard retorted with a glint in his eye, ‘Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again.’

Joke of the day – Reality

February 12, 2015 | Newbloggycat

The trouble with life is there’s no
background music.

Joke of the day – Word recognition

February 9, 2015 | Newbloggycat

Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy,
it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a
wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht
teh frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae.
The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll
raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we
do not raed ervey lteter by istlef but the
wrod as a wlohe.

~ Johnathan Powell

Joke of the day – Rolex and Timex

February 7, 2015 | Newbloggycat

Felly adopts two dogs, and she names them Rolex and Timex.

Molly: “Where’d you come up with those names?”

Felly: “HellOOOOO……they’re watchdogs!”

Joke of the day – Black and stripes

February 5, 2015 | Newbloggycat

A woman brought her two cats to the veterinary clinic for their annual checkup.

One was a small framed, round tiger striped tabby, while the other was a long, shiny black cat.

She watched closely as the vet put each cat on the scale.

Vet: “They weigh about the same.”

Woman: “Well…that proves it. Black does make you look slimmer. And stripes make you look fat.”

Joke of the day – Medical Terminology

February 3, 2015 | Newbloggycat

Medical terminology for the layman:

Artery: The study of fine paintings.
Barium: What you do when CPR fails.
Cesarean Section: A district in Rome.
Colic: A sheep dog.
Coma: A punctuation mark.
Congenital: Friendly.
Dilate: To live long.
Fester: Quicker.
GI Series: Baseball game between teams of soldiers.
Hangnail: A coat hook.
Medical staff: A doctor’s cane.
Minor operation: Coal digging.
Morbid: A higher offer.
Nitrate: Lower than the day rate.
Node: Was aware of.
Organic: Church musician.
Outpatient: Person who has fainted.
Post-operative: A letter carrier.
Protein: In favor of young people.
Secretion: Hiding anything.
Serology: Study of English knighthood.
Tablet: A small table.
Tumor: An extra pair.
Urine: Opposite of you’re out.
Varicose veins: Veins which are very close together.
Benign: What you be after you be eight.

Joke of the day – Sit and do nothing

February 2, 2015 | Newbloggycat

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing?”

The eagle answered, “Sure , why not.”

So the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Joke of the day – God is an artist

January 30, 2015 | Newbloggycat

A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question,
“Boys and girls, what do we know about God?
A hand shot up in the air. “He is an artist!” said the kindergarten boy.
“Really? How do you know?” the teacher asked.
“You know – Our Father, who does art in Heaven… “

Joke of the day – The pathetic lawyer

January 27, 2015 | Newbloggycat

The lawyer is standing at the gate to Heaven and St. Peter is listing his sins:

1) Defending a large corporation in a pollution suit where he knew it was guilty.
2).Prosecuting an innocent woman because a scapegoat was needed in a controversial case.
3) Defending an obviously guilty murderer because the fee was high.
4) Overcharging fees to many clients.
And the list went on for quite awhile.

The lawyer objects and begins to argue his case. He admits all these things, but argues, “Wait, I’ve done some charity in my life also.” St. Peter looks in his book and says,“Yes, I see. Once you gave a dime to a panhandler and once you gave an extra nickel to the shoeshine boy, correct?”

The lawyer gets a smug look on his face and replies, “Yes.”

St. Peter turns to the angel next to him and says, “Give this guy 15 cents and tell him to go to hell.”