A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. “What are those machetes doing in your car?” asks the cop.
“I juggle them in my act.”
“Oh, yeah?” says the doubtful cop. “Let’s see you do it.” The juggler gets out and starts tossing and catching the knives. Another man driving by slows down to watch.
“Wow” says the passer-by. “I’m glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they’re giving now!”
Sign along a roadside overlooking a swimming beach:
DON’T WATCH THE CURVES!
I have finally figured out why babies suck their thumbs. I tried some of the baby food.
“Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it’s a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope.”
– Dr. Seuss
An overweight lady had an enormous steak on her plate. Her husband took one look at it and said, ‘Surely you are not going to eat that alone?”
“Of course not. I’ve just ordered some potatoes.”
Seen on a church sign:
“A narrow mind is usually accompanied by a wide mouth.”
The plumber finally arrived. “How have you managed?”
“Not too badly,” said the housewife, “while we were waiting for you I’ve taught the kids how to swim.”
What is a cat’s favorite movie?
The Sound of Mew-sic!
An elderly lady approached the pearly gates and knocked.
“Who is it?” asked St. Peter.
“It is I,” came the reply.
“Oh no,” muttered St. Peter. “Not another school teacher.”
Air traffic control: “Identify yourself and what is your height and position?”
Pilot: “I’m Captain Steve Murphy. I’m five feet four and I’d be sitting up the front.”
New Bloggy Cat [NBC] 