Joke of the day – Perfect timing

January 31, 2014 | Newbloggycat

Perfect timing is the ability to turn off the ‘hot’ and ‘cold’ shower faucets at the same time.

Joke of the day – Laughing stock

January 30, 2014 | Newbloggycat

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

― Steven Wright.

Quote of the day – Lao Tzu

January 30, 2014 | Newbloggycat

“Freedom from desire leads to inner peace.”

– Lao Tzu

Quote of the day – Anne Frank

January 29, 2014 | Newbloggycat

“People can tell you to keep your mouth shut, but that doesn’t stop you from having your own opinion.”

– Anne Frank

Joke of the day – The snail

January 29, 2014 | Newbloggycat

A snail entered a police station and told an officer, “I just got mugged by two turtles. They beat me up and took all my money!”

The officer replied, “Why that’s terrible. Did you get a good look at them?”

“No sir, it all happened so fast!”

Quote of the day – Sheryl Sandberg

January 28, 2014 | Newbloggycat

“If you’re offered a seat on a rocket ship, don’t ask what seat. Just get on.”

– Sheryl Sandberg

Joke of the day – Don’t talk to the parrot

January 27, 2014 | Newbloggycat

Randy the dishwasher repairman was given specific instructions concerning the woman’s two pets. “The Rottweiler won’t hurt you, even though it looks fierce, but whatever you do, don’t talk to the parrot.”

Randy let himself in and set to work, and the dog just lay quietly on the carpet. But the parrot mocked him mercilessly the whole time.

“Wow, you’re pretty fat,” the bird would say. “Hey, fatso, you couldn’t change the batteries in a flashlight, let alone fix a dishwasher.”

Before long, Randy had had enough. “You know, bird, you think you’re pretty smart for someone with a brain the size of a pea.”

The parrot was silent for a moment, and then, with a gleam in its eye, said, “All right. Get him, Spike.”

– Terry Boas