0

Joke of the day – Engagement ring

images_diamond_ring

Lucy: Well, what happened when you showed the girls in the office your new engagement ring? Did they admire it?

Mimi: Better than that, four of them recognized it.

0

Joke of the day – False teeth

images_false_teeth

Speaker: This is terrible! I’m the speaker at this banquet and I forgot my false teeth!

Man: I happen to have an extra pair; try these.

Speaker: Too small!

Man: Well, try this pair.

Speaker: Too big!

Man: I have one pair left.

Speaker: These fit just fine. It sure is lucky to sit next to a dentist!

Man: I’m not the dentist. I’m an undertaker.

0

Quote of the day – Les Miserables

images_love_flamingo

“And remember, as it was written, to love another person is to see the face of God.”

— Les Miserables

0

Joke of the day – Beauty

images_dog_cute_beer

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder!

0

Quote of the day – Earl Gray Stevens

images_cute_open_arms

“Confidence, like art, never comes from having all the answers; it comes from being open to all the questions.”

― Earl Gray Stevens

3

Joke of the day – Unicorns

images_fat_rhino

Unicorns are real! They’re just fat and grey and we call them rhinos.

2

Joke of the day – The clever dachshund

images_dachshund_funny

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dachshund along for company. One day, the dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the dachshund discovers that he is lost.

So, wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having him for lunch. The dachshund thinks, “I’m in deep trouble now!” Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones.

Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dachshund exclaims loudly, “Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here.”

Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees.

“Whew,” says the leopard. “That was close. That dachshund nearly had me.”

Meanwhile, a monkey, who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes.

But the dachshund saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, “Here monkey, hop on my back and see what’s going to happen to that conniving canine.”

Now the dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, “What am I going to do now?” But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them yet. And, just when they get close enough to hear, the dachshund says:

“Where’s that darn monkey? Sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard.”

0

Joke of the day – Energizer Bunny

images_energizer_bunny

Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery.

0

Quote of the day – Marilyn Monroe

images_bird_letgo

“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”

– Marilyn Monroe